Manic Marauder Madness
by Peeves' best friend
Summary: The Marauders Hogwarts years by means of funny highlights and their most memorable moments, both the publically known and the more secret parts. Rated T for Siriusly bad language! A joke in the summary? SCORE!
1. 1-9-1971

**Hello. A new story because that's what inspiration demands of me. I actually have summaries written already and this will be something purely to amuse myself and to give you an opportunity to do the same. So, with that out of the way, please enjoy chapter one of Manic Marauder Madness!**

James Potter strode up to the three-legged stool that was waiting for him. As he sat down, James saw everybody looking at him. Spotting Sirius, Remus and Peter at their House table, James gave a roguish grin before the Hat was placed on his head and he could see naught but the dark insides of the ancient artefact.

'_Well, another Potter. It's been a while since the last of your line had to be sorted now hasn't it?' _the Sorting Hat spoke in James' mind.

"_Come on, sort me in Gryffindor already, I'm starving and I bet Sirius that I'd be sorted faster than him!" _James impatiently told the hat, anxiously glancing at his wristwatch. Twenty-five seconds and Sirius would beat him.

'_Now now Mr Potter, none of that. Each House must be carefully considered after all.' _The Hat slowly spoke, all too aware of the bet that was causing James to anxiously wiggle in place.

"_It can't be Ravenclaw because I'm not studious at all and they haven't won a Quidditch Cup in 27 years. Slytherin is no option because they're slimy evil gits who like a gloomy and cold common room. Hufflepuff's alright but that colour scheme I mean honestly, yellow and black? How can you possibly __**not**__ look like a giant bee? By looking like a wasp instead? Now hurry up!" _James hurriedly told the Hat.

Glancing at his watch James saw he had exactly 7 seconds left. The Hat spoke to him very slowly.

'_Ve-ry we-ll… __**4**__ … Bet-ter be… __**1 **__…' _

"**GRYFFINDOR!" **The Hat shouted at the last second. Causing Sirius and James their bet to go unresolved.

As an slightly upset yet very happy James grabbed the Hat to yank it off to thunderous applause, the Hat whispered to him, _'Oh dear, did I do that?'_

Displeased with the bratty Hat, James pushed it into McGonagall's waiting hands before marching down to the Gryffindor table, where Peter was making room next to him, so James would be able to sit facing Sirius, with Remus facing Peter.

Sitting down, the first thing James said to his new friends was, "It did that on purpose."

Immediately catching on to what James meant, Sirius jumped up and tried to march for the Hat, probably planning on putting it on fire, or peeing on it or something similar.

Remus grabbed onto Sirius and stopped him though.

"That- That- Why that filthy decrepit old bastard!" Sirius boomed in a loud and angry voice.

The entire Great Hall immediately grew quiet… Dumbledore had just been about to start his speech, the Sorting having finished.

Sirius was completely unaware of the shocked, upset and surprised looks he got though, instead angrily continuing on, "That bloody cocksucking momma's boy did that on purpose! That paedophilic floppy-dicked piece of lobster sperm! I'll set him on fire! Burn him until naught remains but ashes! Let go of me Remus! I swear to Merlin and all that is awesome that I will shit on that ruddy retarded piece of cloth if it's the last thing I do!"

Before anybody could respond to that seemingly unprovoked tirade, James Potter continued the tirade, "And then we'll use his face to clean the toilets! We'll show him! Nobody messes with the Lobotomised Lions!"

A completely stunned Great Hall could only watch in disbelief as Peter tacked on an enthusiastic "Yeah!"

When Remus tried to slide away to make it clear that he was in no way affiliated with the three weirdoes who had interrupted Dumbledore's speech before it could even begin, James leaned over diagonally over the table, grabbing Remus' robe by its lapels and yanking him so their faces were inches apart, "Are you with me soldier?! Lobotomised Lion Lupin stand at attention I tell you!"

Remus looked ready to faint right there, Sirius was creeping everybody out with the simple dinner knife he was currently sharpening while cackling evilly, James was completely red in the face and bore an odd resemblance to a pissed off drill sergeant, and Peter looked just about ready to follow his friends to the end of the world.

Eventually Dumbledore cleared his throat.

Everybody turned to him as one, and the old man smiled genially before speaking, "And after that fascinating discussion, I believe it best we wait with any further announcements until after dinner. Tuck in!"

As food appeared, and the shaken students slowly started eating and talking again, Sirius quizzically looked around the Hall.

"Fascinating discussion? Did we miss something?"

"Apparently, anyways, who is in favour of Lobotomised Lions as our name?" James shrugged before enthusiastically posing his question and thrusting his hand into the air.

Just as Peter was about to raise his hand as well, Remus managed to speak, "You do know what lobotomised means right? It's when somebody rams an ice-pick through the corner of your eye and into your brains."

James hand couldn't have dropped faster if he'd been a leper and his hand and literally fallen off.

"Oh… Well it sounded cool at least." James slowly said, before grabbing a chicken leg to start dinner.

As the four boys started their feast, Sirius spoke in a still upset tone. The knife he'd been sharpening now being used like a fork, to spear pieces of meat on it.

"So that bloody Hat ruined our bet. How are we going to solve this? I want your Galleon!"

James hummed thoughtfully before speaking, "Well… We could maybe make a pot or something?"

Sirius thoughtfully chewed on his bottom lip, getting admiring sighs and loving stares from the girls who'd thought he was crazy not five minutes before.

"Maybe… But what do we do with it? Do we have like, closing bets? Who wins gets the pot?"

James hummed thoughtfully at that, not looking completely sure.

"I guess that could work but wouldn't that take like… super long?"

Sirius used his knife to spear an entire chicken breast in one move.

"Yeah I guess…" As both boys started eating again, pondering their problem, Remus slowly spoke up, "You know, you could just, oh I don't know… Stop making bets?"

James and Sirius remained silent for just a second before breaking out into uproarious laughter, with Peter joining in immediately.

The entire Hall grew silent again, staring at the laughing boys in horrified fascination.

Sirius eventually managed to stop laughing, he shouted at Remus, who was not two feet away, "Don't be silly Remy! There shall be no mercy! GLORY AND TREASURE!"

James immediately shouted in an if possible even louder voice, "VICTORY, OR DEATH! THERE IS NO GLORY IN COWARDICE!"

As Remus winced, and everybody who hadn't heard the conversation that preceded Sirius his yelling paled and drew terrible conclusions, Dumbledore scraped his throat before speaking up, "Messers Black and Potter?"

Getting angelic and polite expressions from aforementioned students, Dumbledore had to suppress a merry chuckle, "Might I ask that you please use your inside voices?"

As both boys enthusiastically bobbed their heads in perfect synchronization, Dumbledore's hand sought McGonagall's under the table.

Everybody continued dinner and Albus gave Minerva an encouraging squeeze.

Turning to her, he muttered, "I told you that you would one day come to regret your own school days Minerva. It seems that the time of regret has come."

With that, Dumbledore turned back to his dinner, completely ignoring his petrified Deputy.

Back at the Gryffindor table, Peter Pettigrew had a brilliant idea, which he immediately shared with his newfound idols.

"Hey James, Sirius, why don't you use the money from the pot to buy pranking supplies?" Peter suggested in his innocent voice.

As one, James and Sirius turned to Peter as if they saw him in a whole new light.

"That's brilliant Petey!" Sirius yelled exuberantly in a loud, yet far more appropriate voice. This time, he only scared parts of the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff tables.

James turned to Sirius, "Are you going to do that with everybody's name?"

Sirius innocently turned to James, "Going to do what Jamey?"

James groaned, "Seriously?"

Sirius beamed, "See? Now you're doing it as well!"

For a second, all boys were silent. Then Remus let out an almost pained snort. Next thing anyone knows and the four boys were laughing their arses off. Remus passing out in his treacle tart, Sirius falling off of his bench and Peter and James desperately clutching at each other in an attempt to prevent the same from happening to them.

Finally, one of the other students gathered her courage. Just as the future Marauders regained their breaths and seats, and in Remus' case their consciousness, Lily Evans spoke up.

"Could you idiots please shut up! You're being very annoying!" Lily exasperatedly shouted.

Getting one look at the girl, he repeated the request he'd made on the train, "Wanna go out with me Evans?" James asked with a roguish grin and a non to subtle wink.

Lily blushed a violent red and yelled back, "No I won't Potter! Stop asking me that!"

Sirius glanced from Lily's furious expression to James' crestfallen look. He immediately started laughing again.

That caused a chain reaction and suddenly Remus and Peter were laughing again as well.

Lily returned her attention to the girls she'd been talking with, and James decided to avenge himself by pushing Sirius off of the bench again.

The boys didn't stop laughing until they arrived in their new dormitory, an hour later.

The dormitory in which the four boys would sleep for the next seven years was shaped like a regular hexagon.

On the side opposite of the one where the boys were entering, was a door that led to the bathroom. The four beds in the room were all placed with their headboards in the middle of one of the remaining four walls. There were only two windows, placed on the two walls immediately adjacent to the bathroom wall, next to the two beds that were also positioned against those walls.

When the four boys entered their new dormitory, they were dead silent for all of a second. Their laughing stopping in a magical fashion.

Then, four bodies jumped like coiled springs that were let loose, and in the next second, there were four bodies lying on a bed, yet only two of the beds were occupied.

Sirius and Peter had jumped onto the same bed, being that closest to the bathroom on the _right_ side of the room, and James and Remus had jumped onto the same bed closest to the bathroom on the _left_ side of the room.

Again, for just a second, everybody was completely silent. Then they all jumped up and yanked out their wands. Pointing them threateningly to the one who had occupied _their_ rightful beds.

In later years, Remus would reflect that this was the first time where James and Sirius truly showed how compatible they were, and how excellent they were as partners.

Hesitantly, both Sirius and James started to put away their wands, getting pleasantly surprised and proud looks from Peter and Remus.

The next moment, Sirius and James dove across the room, flawlessly changing opponents, grabbing a pillow of off the beds they jumped away from, rolling next to each other, popping up again and smacking Remus and Peter in the head with their pillows respectively.

Sirius fought like a madman, hitting Remus over twenty times in under five seconds, driving him back as best he could. But having remarkably little success. James struck Peter in the head twice, the boy was out cold on the bed closest to the door on the right side of the room within seconds.

Remus managed to grab a pillow from the bed Sirius was trying to drive him towards, and immediately started retaliating, easily starting to drive Sirius back instead.

James jumped across the room and Sirius and James started double teaming Remus, who was slowly but surely being driven back.

But Sirius black was never a patient man. He literally threw his pillow into Remus' face before rugby tackling the taller boy towards the unwanted bed.

Remus was pushed back a couple of feet and managed to regain his feet, when Sirius tackled him again, this time accompanied by a tackle from James.

Together, the boys managed to force Remus down on the bed on the left side of the room, farthest from the bathroom.

Remus struggled for another minute, before stopping his struggling.

"I give." Remus managed to mutter through a swollen lip and a bloody nose.

"VICTORY!" James and Sirius yelled as one, before limping to the beds they had rightfully conquered.

Unfortunately, James stumbled over a pillow and fell into the wooden post of his bed. He chipped a tooth and gained a black eye.

And that is how Madam Pomfrey met her first Potter on September First 1971. She also met a knocked out Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black who was oddly obsessed by Pomfrey's medical scalpel, and Remus Lupin who didn't need any healing at all, as his … unfortunate disease had already taken care of it.

The four boys, and Potter especially, would become Poppy's most frequent and most beloved visitors over the coming seven years.

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~~~~Scene Break~~~~

When Harry Potter stumbled up to the Sorting Hat, Poppy let out a silent sigh. Judging from what she could see of the boy, she would once again have a highly regular visitor during the coming years.

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As Dumbledore strode past her to the exit, Poppy looked at the boy currently under her care. Harry was truly James' son. It would have been just like the elder Potter to recklessly charge into the unknown to save his friends from evil and harm. And now Harry had done precisely the same by going after Quirrel.

Pulling out the bronze plaque Minerva had made for her, Poppy walked to Harry's bed.

"Well Mr. Potter, I managed to survive seven years of your father and his friends, and I'll survive you as well. But I do think that with the amount of time spent in that particular bed between the two of you, it would be remiss of me not to place this here.

Poppy hung the shield above Harry's bed, before giving the boy his potion and walking back to her office.

From now on, the gleaming bronze shield would inform everybody that the bed in which Harry was currently lying, was:

Potter Bed:

Reserved for the poor souls suffering from the terminal and genetic curse that is being a Potter. May their Healers find the inner power to overcome the stubborn and foolish patients for whom this bed is reserved:

James Charlus Potter: 1971-1978  
Harry James Potter: 1991-/ 

In later years, when the Wizarding World was informed of Sirius Black his innocence, Poppy Pomfrey would make an addition to the shield.

This bed was also used by the following unfortunate souls who received the normally genetic curse by means of an overdose of contact with an actual Potter:

Sirius Orion Black: 1971-1978

**Done. There will be more in due time, whether that be in a couple of hours or in a number of weeks. And I mean that literally because I have nothing to do and am bored, but don't have my files for either of my other stories available, so mayhaps I shall write Chapter 2 once this one is uploaded. This story will be a number of excerpts from the Marauders Hogwarts years. There will be plenty of madness and hopefully fun. I apologize for the last bit, which is actually not exactly funny and rather a bit sad. But also funny! Terminal and genetic curse. Ha. Funny. Anyways, leave me a review if that's cool by you and I guess I'll catch you later. Cheerio!**


	2. 2-9-1971

**Hello again, as I said earlier, I have indeed written another Chapter within mere hours of the first one. My files for my two more serious stories are unfortunately still unavailable, so I had to write something for my more Sirius story. (get it?) Anyhow, thanks for the review, the follow and the favourite. And yes all of those are singular as the story was only 2000 words and was only up for 3 hours when I uploaded this chapter. So I'm pretty pleased with what I've got. Thus, chapter 2, and I will mention that it is exceptional that so much detail and words are used for a span of two days, don't get used to it. Later 'gator. **

"GET OUT OF THE WAY!" Sirius shouted even as he sprinted through the hallway, vaulting over a cowering Hufflepuff.

Sirius was dressed as if he were participating in the 100m sprint at the Olympics, only in Gryffindor colours instead of the British ones. In his right hand he held a slab of the best Swiss chocolate. And twenty meters behind him was Remus Lupin.

Remus was in hot pursuit of the chocolate thief, even if he was still dressed in his pyjamas, that chocolate was too delicious to risk losing it by taking the time to change clothes.

So, those students fortunate enough to be awake already were treated to the sight of Sirius Black sprinting through Hogwarts hallowed halls, with Remus in hot pursuit.

Arriving at the swinging stairs Sirius jumped onto them. Hoping that he would get a breather when he felt the stairs moving.

Unfortunately for Sirius, it was the lower end, the one he was planning on leaving by, that moved. The top end, the one where an angry Remus was standing, didn't move.

Sirius let out a girlish squeal while Remus slowly approached Sirius, arms outstretched.

Without any means of escape, Sirius decided to take the risk.

He jumped of off the stairs. And he immediately landed on another set of stairs leading to the second floor, with Remus caught on stairs connected only to the seventh and by now fourth floors.

Although his landing had been extremely painful, Sirius hadn't broken anything, and swiftly regained his footing before dashing of again, cackling like a maniac.

Sirius made it to the normal stairs, that would lead him to the first floor, when he saw Remus turning the corner at the far side of the hall.

Not pausing to consider, Sirius sprinted down the stairs, Remus once again in hot pursuit and rapidly gaining.

They thundered down the corridor, Sirius panting and anxiously looking over his shoulder every few seconds, and Remus gaining steadily.

When they were only 30 feet apart, Sirius started shouting for help. That arrived in the form of Peeves, who decided that these boys were amusing. And if the second one caught the first one, the fun would stop.

So Peeves started toppling statues and suits of armour once Sirius had passed them. Thus forcing Remus to vault over them or dodge past them.

Sirius didn't manage to expand his lead, but at least Remus didn't manage to close it either.

Still sprinting, they arrived at the Grand Staircase. Sirius impulsively deciding to slide down the banister. That bought him five feet, as Remus took the stairs.

So the boys sprinted into the Great Hall where Sirius sprinted down the aisle between the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw tables. Unfortunately, in the middle of the aisle, there was an obstruction, as there were multiple Ravenclaw students piling up to look at something one of them was holding, and Sprout was handing out schedules on the other side. There was just enough room for one person to walk through the remaining opening.

That would've been fine. But just as Sirius got close, Flitwick tried to walk through the gap from the other side. Also busy handing out schedules.

Sirius then pulled a move that would forever become known as the "Flitwick Headed Handstand Flip"

Sirius jumped up into the air, Remus having gotten so close that his outstretched hand actually grazed the sole of Sirius shoe for a second, did a half flip in the air, placed his hands on top of the four feet tall Flitwick's head, and pushed off while twisting his arms slightly.

Another half flip and a full corkscrew later, Sirius touched ground and sprinted on. Remus only barely managed to avoid crashing into Flitwick.

A stunned Flitwick managed to squeak out, "20 points from Gryffindor for rowdiness and disrespect Mr Black!"

Sirius didn't pay attention though, he'd arrived at the stage on which the Teacher's table sat, and he was currently lounging against the stage with a leisurely smile, Remus' chocolate still in hand.

The entire Great Hall watched in confusion and awe as Sirius jauntily waved at Remus.

"Hi Remus! Would you like your chocolate back?" Sirius asked in a pleased tone.

Remus slowly advanced on Sirius, growling ominously.

"Sirius, Give, Me, The, Chocolate." Remus spoke, taking a threatening step forward with each step.

Sirius looked honestly surprised. He immediately stood upright and started walking to Remus as well. Chocolate outstretched before him.

"Sure thing Remus," Sirius smiled, "Here you g-oh!'

Sirius stumbled and threw the chocolate slab away. It sailed through the air, over the Hufflepuff table, and it landed in the outstretched hands of a grinning James Potter, who had subtly showed up after Sirius and Remus. He was dressed exactly like Sirius, in a Gryffindor themed athlete's outfit.

James looked at the chocolate slab, looked at Remus, and started sprinting towards the doors again.

Laughing uproariously, James sprinted out of the Great Hall and he turned towards the Great Doors. People lost sight of him after that.

Remus let out an angry growl before looking at Sirius.

"Oops?" Sirius said in an innocent and apologetic tone, putting one hand in front of his mouth in a surprisingly convincing apologetic manner

Remus took off sprinting again, in hot pursuit of James Potter this time.

As Remus left the Great Hall, Sirius swaggered to the Gryffindor table where he sat down to eat breakfast.

Sirius sat down as if nothing had happened, instead opting to grab a slice of bread and start buttering it with Nutella.

McGonagall approached her young Gryffindor.

"Mr Black, could you please explain why you are dressed like a Muggle athlete and why you stole Mr Lupin's chocolate?" McGonagall asked in a strict and displeased tone.

"Sure I can professor," Sirius replied jovially, "you see this is all part of our plan to get Peter to lose some of his overweight and to help Remus not gain any overweight!"

McGonagall looked stumped for a second, before she managed to school her expression into her trademark, strict face.

"You would have me believe, Black, that you and Potter are racing through the school in those outfits so Lupin and Pettigrew don't get fat?" McGonagall asked in an exasperated tone.

Sirius grinned happily, "Precisely professor!"

"And where _is_ Pettigrew?" McGonagall asked, almost fearing the answer.

"Why at Hagrid's hut of course!" Sirius replied as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

McGonagall's nostrils flared and her voice grew slightly shrill "Excuse me?!"

"At Hagrid's hut, professor McGonagall! James will lead Remus there, hand the chocolate to Peter and come back here. Peter in the meantime will lead Remus to the far side of the lake, and then here. If they make it here, Peter is allowed a healthy breakfast and Remus'll have burned enough calories so that his chocolate addiction won't get him as fat as a pig!" Sirius explained in an exuberant tone.

"Are you serious?!"McGonagall exclaimed incredulously.

"Why yes I am Sirius!" Sirius happily shouted, he then stage whispered, "But I don't think it's appropriate if you call me by my first name professor."

"10 points from Gryffindor!" McGonagall exclaimed briskly, "And put on your uniform!"

"But I am wearing my uniform professor! It just happens to not look like the regular uniform any longer. A misbehaving miscreant has transfigured mine and James' uniforms to look like this!" Sirius exclaimed in an offended voice, getting some giggles at his misbehaving miscreant, along with a chuckle from the miscreant in question, who just happened to have a long grey beard.

"Then transfigure it back!" McGonagall exclaimed before turning on her heel to return to her duty of handing out schedules.

"Uhm… Professor?" James spoke up, who had by this time arrived as well, giving Sirius a subtle thumbs up to signal that the hand off had been successful, "We're first years. We can't do that kind of transfiguration yet. Sirius can't do any transfiguration at all yet!" James exclaimed, getting an offended "Hey!" From Sirius and amused chuckles from a large part of the Hall.

Exasperated, McGonagall waved her wand once and returned to Miss Evans, who she'd just been about to hand her schedule when the serious interruption had taken place.

James high-fived Sirius as the boys turned to their breakfast.

"That was fun! Let's do it again tomorrow!" James happily said.

"No can do. There's no way I'll survive that another time. That was accidental magic that was!" Sirius answered, finally allowing himself to pant whilst carefully wiping away the sweat on his forehead.

"It's our first morning at Hogwarts and I already almost broke my neck. We're not touching Remus' chocolate again until I can do some actual magic." Sirius continued before biting into his bread with relish.

"Fine you spoilsport. Be that way!" James answered before turning to look at Evans, "Hey Evans!" He yelled, "Wanna go out with me?"

Getting a shrill and upset NO in response, James shrugged before turning to his own breakfast.

Sirius spoke up after a few seconds, "You really should reconsider 'The Misbehaving Miscreants', I used it for our assistant and I got quite a few laughs!"

James let out an exasperated sigh, "For the seventeenth time, we're not naming ourselves the Misbehaving Miscreants! That sounds like some kind of pet!"

Sirius was clearly disappointed, but after a few seconds he flashed a cocky grin, "Yeah, I guess I'm too perfect to be a miscreant anyways."

~~~~Scene Break~~~~

It was the boys' first Transfiguration lesson, and McGonagall planned to have her revenge for that morning's debacle.

"Mr Potter!" She suddenly spoke briskly.

James looked up from the piece of parchment he'd been scribbling on to smile politely at his professor. Next to him, Sirius snickered "Busted!"

"Since you implied that you were capable of Transfiguration this morning, why don't you transfigure this matchstick into a needle?" McGonagall proposed, handing James a matchstick.

The entire first year class of Gryffindors and Slytherins watched curiously as James was put on the spot by his Head of House.

James had looked slightly anxious for a second, but when McGonagall posed her actual challenge, he immediately grinned calm as can be.

"Sure thing Minnie!" James happily answered, before immediately transfiguring his matchstick into a perfect needle.

McGonagall didn't even get a chance to reprimand James as she was too surprised by the eleven year old his success at Transfiguration.

"There you go Minnie, it's perfectly sharp too! Allow me to demonstrate!" James happily exclaimed before turning to his right, needle in hand, in what was clearly going to amount to the stabbing of Sirius Black.

Sirius was prepared though, and he pulled out a butterfly knife. "Go on Jamey! You stab me and I stab you, that's a perfectly fun game!" Sirius shouted exuberantly.

Not taking that risk, James turned to the unfortunate student sitting in front of him. That happened to be Severus Snape.

A lightning quick stab to the back of Snape's neck and James proudly showed McGonagall his now bloody needle.

"See? Perfectly sharp!" James happily demonstrated.

"Mr Potter! Detention with me tonight! You as well Black for owning such a dangerous weapon! Hand it in!" McGonagall shouted.

Sirius handed in his knife and James merely smiled serenely.

"It's a date Minnie!" Sirius happily exclaimed before James and Sirius turned around in their seats with identical, victorious smirks.

"Pay up losers! We called her Minnie three times between the two of us without getting punishment for it!" The black-haired boys happily said in unison, waving their hands under the noses of Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew expectantly.

"Lupin and Pettigrew! Detention tonight as well!"

Remus tried to protest, because Sirius and James were lying, there hadn't been any bet made at all, but he gave up, unwilling to lose Gryffindor points.

Class continued, with nobody managing a complete transfiguration like James had managed without even paying attention.

At the end of class, McGonagall spoke up one final time, "Five points to Slytherin for Mr Snape's attempt, see how he has gotten his matchstick to be both silver coloured and pointy. All she's missing is the texture! Excellent job Mr Snape."

James was offended, and he showed it.

"Hey Professor, you forgot to give _me _points! I mean not to brag, but I actually managed a complete transfiguration! Isn't that worth something here? Are you trying to lose your House the Cup Professor? You are aren't you! I bet you Slughorn bribed you with catnip or something! SHAME!" James shouted, before picking up his carrier bag and moving for the doors, his friends in tow.

Suddenly, Sirius started chanting: "Shame!*clap clap* Shame! *clap clap* Shame! *clap clap!"

James immediately picked up and started as well. After a harsh poke to the ribs by Sirius, Remus started to half-heartedly chant along as well.

Peter was sent to spread a slightly modified version of the events to the rest of Gryffindor before the true events of that class could spread.

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September 2nd, Dinner.

McGonagall walked into the Great Hall for dinner. She was slightly late as she had been delayed by Mister Pettigrew, who had started bawling in the middle of a hallway, claiming that he was homesick.

Minerva didn't manage to take more than two steps into the Great Hall, before James Potter jumped up from the Gryffindor table and pointed at his Head of House.

"SHAME!" He shouted before clapping twice.

Sirius Black jumped up and also shouted "SHAME!" before clapping twice.

Suddenly, the entire Gryffindor table was standing and chanting "Shame!" whilst clapping rhythmically.

McGonagall turned redder than a fire tower.

It was only made worse when Dumbledore stood up.

The Gryffindors quieted down as one, and the venerable old wizard spoke in a completely serious tone, "It has come to my attention, Minerva, that you seem to be ashamed of your House. You will come to my office after dinner to explain yourself. That is all."

The old man then sat down and calmly resumed eating. The Gryffindors too sat down before calmly starting to eat.

The remaining staff and students thought they'd just had a massive hallucination, because everybody behaved as if nothing had happened at all. The only evidence to the contrary was the fire red face of McGonagall, who kept muttering expletives and throwing lethal looks at two Gryffindor First Years.

**Done done done. So Chapter 2 out of the way, and once again: Consider leaving a review. And if you decide not to, reconsider. Anyhow that's chapter two and that's it for now. I'll be back some other time. Hasta la pasta amigo!**


	3. 3-12-1971

**Aha. Chapter 3. Well there's little to say as there's little reaction so far. Which is logical because well let's face it. The story isn't up that long yet and it's very short still. Yet I felt inspired and I really don't have anything better to do so here you go.**

"Remus!" James shouted ecstatically before rugby tackling the poor, clearly unwell boy onto his bed.

The next moment, Sirius' head popped up in the doorway to the bathroom, and Peter could clearly be heard storming up the stairs.

"Remus!" The two boys exclaimed before also jumping Remus and hugging him tightly.

"Get off of me you dolts! You're suffocating me!" Remus said exasperatedly, though with fondness clearly shining through.

Once order was restored, each boy sat on his own bed. Everybody was facing Remus, and Remus was glancing from one friend to another.

"Well?!" Sirius impatiently asked/shouted.

"Well what?" Remus asked confusedly.

"Where have you been since last night you spaz?" James asked instead. Drawing confused looks from his friends, he quickly explained.

"I heard a muggleborn say it. Sounds cool though, right?"

Getting shrugs from his friends, James stared at Remus again.

"Come on Remus, you can tell us. We won't tell a soul!" Peter wheedled. Getting agreeing and synchronized nods from James and Sirius.

"I was uh… I was visiting my mother. She has fallen ill again." Remus muttered, not making eye contact with any of his staring friends.

James and Peter looked doubtful, and Sirius looked downright angry.

"That's the fourth time in four months that you disappear in the evening, only to reappear the next day after classes! We bought your excuses the first three times but I'm sick of it! Out with it Remy! Where were you!?" Sirius growled, staring at Remus threateningly.

Remus started sweating slightly but he persisted.

"I told you. I was visiting my mother." Remus spoke in an almost steady voice. The slight tremble at the word visiting betrayed him though.

James sighed, giving a warning look at Sirius, he spoke up disappointedly, "Fine then. You don't have to tell us if you don't feel comfortable doing so Remus. We won't judge you know. Just tell us when you feel like it."

Peter nodded, showing his agreement with James' words. Sirius was not so easily convinced though.

Standing up, the young Black moved to his trunk, where he searched for a few seconds before grabbing a belt of throwing knives before returning to his bed.

As Sirius started playing with his knives, twirling them between his fingers and cleaning them meticulously, Peter squeaked, "It freaks me out when you do that Sirius."

"Don't care." Sirius shortly answered.

James frowned, "WHY do you do that, Sirius?"

Sirius frowned as well, "Because I'm upset that Remus won't tell where he's been going for the past four months."

Remus frowned as well now.

"It's none of your business Sirius." Remus said shortly, leafing through a thick book on Charms.

Sirius let out an almost inhuman growl.

Yanking one of his knives out of the special belt, he leapt out of his bed, took three large steps to cross the room, and leapt at Remus with his knife pulled.

The knife gleamed in the air and Remus' eyes widened drastically the moment he got a good look not so much at the flying Sirius, but at the colour of the knife.

James and Peter could only watch stunned as Sirius landed on top of Remus, rammed the taller boy's book out of the way and pinned him, holding his knife a precious few inches from Remus' neck.

Sirius growled ominously, "Tell me your secrets…"

Remus screamed in pure fear and tried to throw Sirius off of him. Normally, this would have been an easy job for the young werewolf, seeing as his curse normally gave him exceptional strength.

Today however, was the day after the full moon. Remus had been to the Shrieking Shack tonight, and right now, he was at his weakest.

Therefore, Remus didn't manage to throw Sirius off, only managing to scream in pure fear while bucking in pure terror under Sirius, yet keeping as far away from the knife his friend held as physically possible.

"Sirius please. You don't understand. Please get that thing away from me!" Remus cried out in fear.

Sirius looked befuddled. And so did James and Peter. After all, this wasn't the first time that Sirius threatened one of his friends with one of his knives. He'd threatened Remus with one last week, when the boy refused to share his Potions essay with him. And Remus had remained cool as a cucumber. Yet know, he was freaking out.

Sirius didn't let up, but he did look at Remus with a honest question in his eyes. James and Peter had gotten up and were slowly creeping closer as well. Unsure how to handle this situation.

"What's the matter Remus? What's so terrible about me and Knifey? The Manticore fang one I used last week is way more dangerous than Knifey! Knifey is merely made of silver!" Sirius asked incredulously, completely failing to understand.

The moment the word 'silver' left Sirius his lips, Remus screamed in fear and the Sirius his eyes widened in understanding.

Leaping off of Remus, taking special care to keep Knifey away from him, Sirius dove over James' bed and stared out the window, and up at the evening sky.

"Sweet Merlin…" Sirius uttered in a combination of horror and awe.

As Remus shrank back into his bed, hoping against all hope that Sirius had not caught on, as he appeared to have, James and Peter moved up to Sirius, also looking up to the evening sky.

There, up in the sky, was an almost full moon. It had been full the night before…

As Peter squeaked in terror, James let out a stunned, "By the Founders!"

As one, the three boys turned to their now almost crying roommate.

Total silence hung in the room yet again.

Eventually, James managed to gather his Gryffindor courage.

"Remus… Are you a… Silver-fearing guy who gets rage issues and an abnormal amount of hair growth when the full moon shines?" James asked carefully.

Remus let out a pained gasp, before nodding.

Before any of his friends could react to that, Remus spoke in a trembling, teary voice, "I'll go talk to McGonagall. Somebody will come to pick up my stuff and I'll take a private room or leave Hogwarts. Don't worry, I'll be out of your hair as soon as huma- as possible."

Remus his voice caught when he almost said humanly, but he pressed on. Standing up and moving for the door.

As one, Sirius and James sprinted forward, once again rugby-tackling Remus. This time not landing on a soft mattress.

Only Peter kept his distance.

"Don't you dare leave without talking to us first Remus!" James shouted, trying to keep down the once again struggling Remus, who was still trying to reach the door.

"I'm a monster and it was foolish of my parents and me to even let me attend here and-" Remus started in a still very upset voice, but he was fortunately interrupted by Sirius.

"Shut it Remy! We don't care that you have the unisex version of PMS!" Sirius shouted.

James snorted loudly at that and Remus let out a chuckle despite himself as well.

Peter looked on uncomprehendingly, "Uh, Sirius? What's PMS?"

At that, the other three boys chuckled once again before Sirius answered, "I'll explain in a minute Petey! We have to convince Remus first! Why are you on the other side of the room anyways!?"

Peter flushed before softly muttering, "I'm not brave and courageous like you guys. My dad was killed by a werewolf you know. I'd like to get some more information before just tackling Remus like that."

At Peter's declaration, the three boys blinked in unison before James and Sirius dropped their hold on Remus, and all three boys got up.

"Right. Well erm… Before we go on, Remus, do you promise to hear us out and to talk to us, instead of just fleeing?" James spoke up courageously.

Spotting Remus' doubtful look, Sirius took a big step, grabbed Knifey, and moved to bar the door.

"Either you talk to us-" Sirius started,

"Or Sirius guts you like an exceptionally hairy fish." James finished, placing an encouraging hand on Remus' shoulder.

Getting a nod from the pale Remus, James grinned.

"Great. Now then, Peter, I'm really sorry for what happened to your dad. But we've spent the last four months sharing a room with Remy here, and despite not having any skill whatsoever at making up excuses, he's still our friend, alright?"

Peter nodded slowly.

"Remus, could you like erm, you know uh… could you tell about it? It's not that I don't trust you, but a lot of what people say isn't true and well I… you know… want to know when your… like… dangerous." Peter stuttered and stumbled, but it was clear to all the boys that he was both sincere and apologetic.

Remus gave Peter a shaky smile.

"Sure thing Peter. I'm only dangerous during the night of the full moon. I stay transformed from the moment the full moon first shines unobstructed, to the moment it disappears from view for the final time of that cycle. I'm only contagious when transformed. Though nobody knows exactly what happens if I were to seriously bite you in my human shape. But don't worry about that, I won't ever do that. I heal faster than normal people, which is why I'm usually not ending up in the hospital wing, unlike Sirius and James." Remus explained, getting affronted exclamations from both James and Sirius.

"The transformation is incredibly painful and if the wolf doesn't have any humans to bite or other company, then it starts hurting itself. So I have to spend the day after my transformation recuperating in the hospital wing. That's why I don't return until after classes. I transform in a safe place far from other people and Pomfrey comes to collect me every morning. I was bitten when I was five, so I've been a werewolf for six years."

The boys grew silent once more.

Eventually, it was once more James who took the lead.

"So… I don't have any problem with you being a werewolf. Well you know, I'm sorry that you have to live with it, but I don't see how this influences our friendship. We'll just keep this a secret and that's that. Alright?"

Sirius and Peter nodded emphatically and Remus smiled shyly.

"You really mean it? I can stay here and we'll stay friends?" Remus asked, his voice full of hope.

Getting agreements from his friends, with James and Sirius once again doing the synchronized nodding and Peter saying "Sure!", Remus smiled happily.

"Well in that case... You won't believe what I discovered! I found the kitchens!" Remus said proudly.

For a few seconds the four were silent yet again.

Then Sirius and James once again grabbed onto Remus and Peter dove on top of them as well.

"Take us there Remy!" Sirius voiced exuberantly.

"But it's after curfew and I'm still tired and-" Remus started to make excuses.

James and Sirius would have none of that though.

James Petrified Remus and the two boys pulled their werewolf friend onto their shoulders.

"Pete, you're scouting. Hop to it boys! Baculum Boys, move out!" James directed, before the odd procession started moving.

"Now Remus, we are going to undo the Petrificus. You are going to remain calm and you will not struggle. You will only direct us to the kitchens. If you don't cooperate, we'll just petrify you again and look for the kitchens without your assistance." James commanded, before undoing the Petrificus Totalus.

They didn't let Remus down though.

And so they went. Peter scouting ahead and either whispering "Clear!" or "Hide!", Sirius and James carrying Remus, and Remus giving directions as well as silently chuckling.

Finally, Sirius grew curious yet again.

"Why you laughing so much Remy?" Sirius asked eagerly, clearly hoping he would get a laugh as well.

"Oh, it's just… James, you don't know what Baculum means, do you?" Remus chuckled mirthfully.

"Not really, sounds cool though. Why? Is it something like lobotomised?" James answered uncertainly.

Remus snorted. "Baculum means the bone some mammals have in their… ehm… Male reproduction tools…" Remus trailed off, getting confused looks.

Exasperated, Remus elaborated.

"It's the bone some mammals have in their penises!" He shouted loudly.

Sirius immediately broke into an insane laughing fit, dropping Remus' feet and causing James' to collapse under the suddenly unstable and way too heavy Remus.

Peter let out a scandalised gasp before growing incredibly pale.

James merely let out a pained groan from under Remus, and Remus himself kicked Sirius in the shin as hard as he possibly could before getting up.

As James also got up and Sirius jumped around on one leg, clutching his wounded shin, Peter spoke up in a terrified voice, "You mean there's animals who have a bone in their wee-wee?"

Sirius was so shocked he missed his next jump and ended up banging his head into the wall. James broke into raucous laughter, before getting bowled over by a falling Sirius. Remus merely stared at Peter incredulously before dryly saying, "Yes Peter. That's precisely what I mean."

At that, the pained James and Sirius broke into even harder laughter, Peter fainted, and Remus looked at the carnage.

It was at that point that Mrs Lou showed up at the far end of the hallway.

"Rowdy Rodneys, RETREAT!" James barked before scrambling up and grabbing Peters legs, gesturing at Remus to grab the knocked out boy's shoulders.

Sirius needed a second longer to compose himself before he too awkwardly got up before speed-hopping on his uninjured leg.

The four boys retreated as fast as they could, with Filch now in hot pursuit. They could hear the man's laboured breathing and running footsteps behind them.

"STOP RUNNING! AND GET BACK HERE!" Filch screamed behind them.

The four boys currently titled as the Rowdy Rodneys ran even faster in response.

"Sirius, we need a serious distraction right now!" James panted, still lugging Peter along.

"Sure thing Jamey!" Sirius shouted before yanking out his wand.

Pointing it at a suit of armour the boys were rapidly moving towards, Sirius began waving his wand and randomly yelling stuff, "LIVE! ANIMATE! TRANSFORM! AVENGERS ASSEMBLE! DEFEND YOUR MASTER! SLYTHERIN SUCKS! IT'S CLOBBERING TIME! THIS IS HOGWARTS! LOCOMOTOR! LEVIOSA! INCENDIO! VENTUS! MELOFORS! AVIFORS! FROGIFORS! ABRACADABRAFORS! OPEN O SESAME!"

The boys despaired further with every failed spell. And then Luck smiled down upon them.

When Sirius fired off the Ventus spell, a spell that does nothing more than sending a weak gust of air, he noticed a tapestry on the wall sway invitingly.

Hoping ahead of his friends, Sirius yanked the tapestry up to reveal a secret passageway!

Gaping incredulously for half a second, Sirius drew James' attention by staring intently at his friend.

They had this weird connection where if they simply stared hard enough at the other, they would notice. It was really weird, but right now, Sirius wasn't going to complain.

James looked up and immediately adjusted Peter's legs so he could more easily slip into the opening. Remus was forced to follow James as they were carrying Peter together and Sirius hopped in behind them.

Sirius yanked the tapestry shut behind him, and the 3 conscious Marauders anxiously held their breaths.

They could hear Filch sprint past, and then they heard Mrs Lou meowing.

And that meow sounded from right outside their hiding spot!

Filch appeared not to have noticed, and he kept running.

Mrs Lou meowed again, and this time they could hear Filch slowing down, before his footsteps suddenly got louder again.

Cursing, Sirius ripped the tapestry aside, grabbed Mrs Lou by the scruff of her neck, and threw her in Filch's direction as hard as he could.

Remus and James immediately picked up the still unconscious Peter before sprinting off. To wherever this passage might lead them.

Sirius stuck his tongue out at the furiously hissing Mrs Lou, before hopping off after his friends, not forgetting to pull the tapestry back again.

The boys ran and ran and ran, as fast as they possibly could when one of them was hopping on a single leg and the other two were carrying a third, heavy one.

They eventually came to a halt in front of an enormous portrait of a bowl of fruit.

By this point, James and Remus were exhausted from lugging around Peter, and Sirius was wobbling on his single leg.

"Tickle the- *pant* pear, Sirius." Remus managed to wheeze out.

Sirius merely looked at Remus incredulously, which looked incredibly funny, as the boy was wobbling on his by this point absolutely exhausted leg.

"Just- *pant* do it, you spaz!" Remus said.

Shrugging, Sirius did as instructed. The pear transformed into a doorknob, and Sirius yanked it open, letting his friends head in first.

Sirius then hopped in after them.

The boys entered an enormous kitchen. There were only two house elves there, one was making a cup of hot chocolate, and the other was busily cleaning one of four enormous tables. Those appeared to be mirrors of the House Tables.

James and Sirius immediately made eye contact. The possibilities those tables offered…

Laying Peter down on a smaller, round table, the three boys who were still conscious sat down on stools set around the small table.

After a few seconds, James spoke up, "So, Rowdy Rodneys? Everybody in favour please raise your hand."

James raised his hand, and looked mightily disappointed when Sirius and Remus merely looked at him disappointedly.

"That's just bad. It's way too long and none of us are called Rodney. And Peter and I aren't even that rowdy!" Remus exclaimed, before letting his head hit the table, exhaustion evident.

"I suggest we… We just… We…" Sirius spoke slowly, drowsily, before he also let his head hit the table and both boys started snoring.

James looked around incredulously before waving over the house elf who had previously been making the hot chocolate.

"Hey, could you do me a favour? I need two glasses of mildly warm water, a cup of hot chocolate and some ice. Can you get that for me?" James asked politely, smiling innocently at the small elf before him.

"Fins be doing that sirs!" The small elf squeaked before exploding into action.

James chuckled before leaning back to rest for just a minute.

When the elf returned, it placed the things James had requested in front of him.

"Great, thanks. Now if you'd please, the two boys who are lying on the table facedown, please put one of each of their hands in a cup of water each." James tiredly directed, slowly sipping on his hot chocolate.

Fins did as directed and James smiled contentedly.

"Now finally, please put some cloth around that ice and place it on the wounded leg of the one with the long black hair. That'll be all. Thanks Fins. And don't mind us if we fall asleep here. I have a feeling we won't be reaching our dormitory tonight." James whispered softly before also surrendering himself to the realm of sleep.

None of the boys noticed their Headmaster entering the Kitchen not five seconds later, having come to pick up his cup of hot chocolate…

**Some notes with this chapter: I looked up a lunar calendar, and this takes place after the fourth full moon of the boys' first year. I gave the lycanthropy my own spin, like most people do. The idea for Animagi was not mentioned yet, the boys are simply too young and unknowing still. Sirius has a thing for knives. It has something to do with his childhood, it will be touched upon at least. But I'm writing a comedy so I don't know how deep I'll go just yet. For those unknowing, James had the elf put the hands of Remus and Sirius in warm water because that'll make them pee their pants/robes. James is just funny like that. That's all, please review, and I'll see you later 'gator!**


	4. 31-12-71 to 1-1-72

**New chapter :) Straight into the action we go!**

* * *

"Alright."

"Alright?"

"Alright."

"Alright."

Sirius beamed and James grinned happily.

Remus and Peter were staring at their friends, confused by the conversation between the two.

Remus didn't bother to comment, instead opting to lay back on his bed and enjoy these last precious minutes before he had to leave for the Shack.

Peter however squeaked excitedly, "What were you guys talking about?"

Sirius looked at James pleadingly, begging his friend with his eyes.

"Yes?" Sirius asked.

"No." James answered curtly.

"No?" Sirius asked disappointedly.

"No." James remained firm.

"Alright." Sirius conceded.

"Alright?" James questioned.

"Alright." Sirius affirmed.

"Alright." James concluded.

"Sorry Petey, Jamey wants it to remain top secret! The more people know,-" Sirius started,

"The easier our plan is foiled! Rule Number 14 Pete!"James finished.

Peter let out a disappointed sigh before falling back on his bed.

"Oh well then I'll take a nap. I don't want to fall asleep before midnight _again!_"

"Great idea Petey! Say Remy, shouldn't you be going? Remember to howl for me!" Sirius exclaimed exuberantly.

Remus let out a deep sigh before standing up and moving for the door.

"For the tenth time Sirius, I can't howl for you! And yes, I'm leaving. See you guys tomorrow. Happy New Year!" Remus explained exasperatedly.

With that, Remus left the dorm and soon Peter's snores could be heard as well.

James and Sirius amused themselves by going downstairs and using the girls stairs as a huge slide.

They got higher each time, as the stairs took longer to transform every single time.

They did that for half an hour, until they went so fast that James crashed into a chair near one of the study tables, his head first.

"Mother Merlin! That hurts!" James moaned in pain, whilst Sirius was laughing his ass off.

"You sit down for a minute Jamey, I'll go get Petey and then we'll go and execute the plan." Sirius said before jumping up the boys' stairs to their dorm.

James remained seated on the floor, clutching his head and admiring the flying Snitch his head trauma was making him see.

Just as James started trying to grasp it out of the air, Sirius and Peter came down the stairs.

"Alrighty!" Sirius exclaimed happily, completely ignoring the dazed James and the confused Peter.

"So Petey, you understand our mission?"

"Yes Sirius." Peter sighed for the fourth time since Sirius had come to wake him up.

"Alrighty then! Sally forth men! Beautiful Buccaneers, march!" Sirius exclaimed happily before lifting James up off the ground and lugging him along with him.

Peter followed anxiously behind, scared about getting caught with the amount of noise a rampaging Sirius and a moaning James were making.

Sirius let out an exasperated sigh.

"Relax Petey! It's not even curfew yet! We're doing nothing wrong! Sure, most people who are still at Hogwarts are doing boring stuff like relaxing and preparing for the final feast of the year, but that doesn't mean that visiting the library isn't allowed!"

"Uh, oh right." Peter stammered, "Why are we doing this tonight again? Shouldn't we wait for Moony to help us?"

Sirius bounced excitedly, still half-carrying James. "Now that's the brilliant part Petey!" Sirius beamed, "Remy wouldn't condone of our plans so we can't do this while he's around, which leaves only his unisex PMS as optional moments. But then there's still Pince, Filch and Mrs. Lou! They are always watching, always gazing, always staring, always sniffing, always catching, always trapping, always chasing, always luring, always -" Sirius ranted, only to be interrupted by James' moaned "Sirius!"

"Oh, sorry Jamey!" Sirius shouted utterly unrepentant, getting another pained moan from James.

"So anyways, we needed a moment when they weren't watching either. Which brought us first to Christmas Eve, but we couldn't then, as Remy was watching and so we spent that in the kitchens, caroling with the elves. But now, Remy is PMS-ing and the Malicious Ones are all in the Great Hall for the Feast and then they'll be outside for the New Year's fireworks! It's perfect for us to spend the following eight hours in the Library, researching in the Restricted Section!"

Peter gasped in horror, "But then we'll miss the feast! And the fireworks too!"

Sirius frowned, "Remy is missing that too Petey! Take one for the team for Pete's sake!"

The boys were silent for a second before James and Sirius started giggling.

"Very punny good sir, very punny indeed!" James giggled.

"Indeed, now let's carry on men, Beautiful Buccaneers forward!" Sirius cried out before continuing to lug James toward the Library.

James deadpanned, "No."

Sirius cried out, "Dammit!"

And with that the boys moved for the library.

.

.

.

James let out a disappointed sigh as he closed yet another book.

"Why aren't we finding anything! We've searched ALL of the books that have a section about werewolves and nothing about keeping them company! NOTHING!" James cried out in frustration.

Sirius had taken to juggling his wand and a bronze knife out of boredom, and Peter was snoring while drooling slightly on the book he was lying on.

"Ugh. Pete." James groaned in disgust.

Sirius swiftly flipped his knife before butting Peter in the head with the handle.

"AAH!" Peter shouted whilst bolting upright.

"You fell asleep Petey, that's not very good now is it? Do you want me to gut you and have the elves mix your bowels into stuffing for a turkey?" Sirius grinned maliciously.

Peter stared at Sirius in horror before squeaking and fainting, slamming into the book he'd been drooling on earlier.

Stealing Peter's wand, James used it to slowly poke the unconscious boy's head off of the book.

Once it was sufficiently freed, James returned Peter's wand before pulling free the book.

Reading it, James let out an incredulous gasp.

"THIS IS IT!" He shouted victoriously before jumping up and doing an impromptu victory dance.

Sirius gaped incredulously before yanking the book towards him and reading as well. He didn't get as excited as James did though.

"Eh Jamey?" Sirius tried to interrupt, but James ignored him as he kept jumping around excitedly.

"Jamey!" Sirius spoke more firmly this time, but he was ignored yet again by a still jumping James.

"JAMEY!"Sirius shouted loudly this time. But James just kept on jumping and cheering.

"JAMES YOU COCKSUCKING INBRED MOTHERFUCKING BASTARD LISTEN TO ME!"Sirius thundered, twisting his knife and throwing it so it speared into the wall not an inch from James' nose.

"What?" James asked calmly, getting a baffled look from Sirius.

Clearing his throat, Sirius sat down again, "Yes, well I do not know what you are so excited about. All this says is that other animals can safely spent time around a werewolf, as it won't attack them. We're not animals Jamey and I am not planning on reincarnating any time soon!"

James facepalmed.

"Sirius, remind me again. Why have we given Professor McGonagall the beautiful name of Professor Kitty Kat?"

Sirius gazed stupidly for a second before his entire face lit up.

"ANIMAGUS TRANSFORMATIONS!" The two boys shouted as one, before jumping around like two chipmunks who'd consumed a can of pure caffeine.

The boys finally calmed down ten minutes later, sinking back into their chairs whilst still grinning like loons.

"Right. What time is it?" Sirius asked James before turning to start poking Peter with a quill.

"It's 11.58 p.m. so fireworks start in two minutes, meaning that we only have an hour and two minutes left before the Malicious Ones will return to their domains."

The boys were calm for half a second, then they exploded into action, rapidly putting away the books they'd used so far, and yanking out other books on highly advanced Transfiguration.

"Come on Sirius! Speed it up! We need to know what books to steal for the Stash!" James directed while speedily yanking out books and flying through them.

"Aye aye cap'n!" Sirius shouted before also racing through the books he'd taken out.

Within fifteen minutes, the boys had two piles. There was one of six books and one of two books, the smaller one had useful information while the bigger one had all the books they had discarded.

The boys kept racing through books, not tiring once, simply racing through, only Sirius paused for a few seconds when he came upon a spell named "Geminio", it claimed to work as a duplicating spell and that might be useful someday.

Peter was still knocked out, which led to him missing midnight for the third year in a row. Not that James and Sirius knew this, after all, this was their first New Year's Eve spent as the Marauders.

James and Sirius kept paging through the books at speeds that would have Flitwick applauding in awe and Pince gasping in horror, adding another three books to the useful pile.

It was 0.32 a.m. when the boys stopped paging through the books and slumped back in their seats.

Panting, the boys slowly looked at the five books their search at yielded. The books they would now try to steal from the Restricted Section.

Peter was still knocked out, and James and Sirius were dead tired, but their mission could not fail now. Not when they were so close.

So, James started fitting the five books into the carrier bags the boys had brought.

Putting the two heaviest books in one, James put that one on himself before handing the one with the three remaining books to Sirius.

"What about Petey?" Sirius moaned tiredly, as he started putting away the books the boys couldn't use.

"We'll have to carry him, unless you manage to wake him up in the following two minutes."

Sirius groaned, "Can't we leave him?"

"Rule Number Five. Four as well. Even Two and Three." James countered whiles grasping Peter under his shoulders.

"Can I at least Petrify him? We could even use a Leviosa to float him along!" Sirius protested before grinning when he realized exactly what he'd argued.

"Hey, that's brilliant! Great job tired me!" Sirius beamed.

"Ugh. I hate it when you're being Sirius." James groaned before motioning for his friend to go ahead.

Sirius did as he'd said before starting to move for the doors.

The boys still had over twenty minutes left until the fireworks would stop. They could easily walk back to their dorm, change into their sleepwear, stash the books in the Secret Stash and get into bed before the Malicious Ones would start prowling the hallways again.

At least, that was what they thought. Unfortunately, they hadn't taken into account that Mrs. Lou was a cat. And cats don't particularly care about firework.

So James and Sirius were surprised in a quite unpleasant way, when they noticed their path being blocked by a hissing Mrs. Lou.

Sirius was hovering Peter and carrying a carrier bag, James was carrying a heavier carrier bag and had been busy extinguishing the lights the boys had lit for their research.

Instinctively, James pointed his wand at Mrs. Lou and cast the first spell he thought of.

"FLIPENDO!"

Mrs. Lou was blasted out of the doorway and slammed into the wall of the hallway.

James and Sirius sprinted through the doors and started for their dorms.

They could hear Filch's roar of fury even over the distant explosions of the fireworks and their own feet slamming into the ground as they ran as fast as they could.

It was impossible to know how, but the angry janitor was clearly aware of what had happened to his familiar and was probably making his way to the crime scene at top speed.

James and Sirius sprinted on, James huffing and puffing from the heavy carrier bag and Sirius wildly waving his hands as he ran, thus causing Peter, who was still being levitated by Sirius, to bang into something every few seconds. The boy would not be in good shape when he finally came to.

The boys turned a corner, and then they heard it.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

If possible, James and Sirius only ran faster in response. Filch's wailing was absolutely terrifying, and the boys weren't planning on allowing the caretaker to catch them.

"MRS. LOU! WHO DID THIS! I WILL KILL YOU!" Filch screamed, his voice echoing through the castle.

Sirius and James exchanged a panicked glance before slipping past a tapestry, deciding to leave a false trail towards the Slytherin Common Room without even having to discuss it.

"You don't reckon we… You know. Right?" Sirius panted as the boys ran on.

"No way. I mean… Surely, we didn't… Right?" James spoke whilst anxiously looking over his shoulder.

Sirius didn't bother to reply, he just kept on running, slamming Peter into a wall and knocking over a statue.

James was freaking out though.

"Sirius! Tell me I didn't kill Filch's cat!"

Sirius grinned even as he ran on, "I don't know Jamey, my Mum always says I shouldn't tell lies!"

That caused James to grin despite the situation, "Oh sure, _now_ you listen to your Mum."

The boys kept running, thundering into the dungeons, past the Slytherin Common Room entrance, through some empty rooms, ending up somewhere deep in the dungeons, completely lost in an abandoned classroom.

The boys leant against the wall and tried to catch their breath. Peter was being rubbed against the wall, following the wand movements of Sirius' shaking arm.

Poor Peter was black and blue with multiple cuts and scrapes. He looked as if he'd been thrown butt naked into a kennel occupied by two starving Bulldogs and a piece of fine beef tied to his arse, after having replaced Wile E Coyote during a Road Runner episode.

Sirius and James didn't pay any attention whatsoever to the boy.

They slowly regained their breath, before slowly looking up at each other.

"Did I, or did I not, kill Mrs. Lou?" James asked as seriously as he could.

"An argument could be made for assisted suicide you know. She was clearly asking you to throw her into that wall." Sirius deadpanned.

James snorted, which got Sirius grinning as well.

"So…"

"So…"

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

The two boys looked at each other for another second before James took over Peter and Sirius started scouting out ahead. They had a dorm to find and books to hide.

.

.

.

"To the border Carlos!" Sirius shouted in panic before turning on his heels and sprinting back down the hallway James was standing in.

Not questioning Sirius, James also turned and sprinted after him.

"Who is it?" James panted as he caught up to the pale and panicking Sirius.

"It's Kitty Kat!" Sirius cried out in horror, which got James to shriek in terror as well. Which was really impressive, as neither boy stopped running.

"Where do we go? Flitwick is standing guard at the Fat Lady and now McGonagall has the Kitchens! We don't have anywhere to run to!" Sirius asked, not slowing down for even half a second.

James didn't answer, instead opting to yank Sirius behind a tapestry before slapping a hand in front of his friend's mouth. Sirius did the same for James. That way, they muffled the other his breathing. Peter was _still _unconscious so he didn't have to be muffled.

The boys could hear McGonagall briskly striding past the tapestry.

"Now what?" Sirius mumbled through James' hand.

James shrugged, "Hagrid's?"

The boys slowly removed their hands.

"You reckon he's drunk enough not to notice?" Sirius questioned with doubt obvious in his eyes.

"Wait… I got it!" James suddenly exclaimed with wide eyes.

Sirius merely raised an eyebrow in response.

"We go… to… the teacher's common room!" James whisper-shouted.

Sirius slowly started to grin.

"They don't come there before breakfast…"

James his smile grew even wider.

"We crash there for a couple of hours, then sneak out to Hogsmeade and take the Floo to my place. We spend the remainder of the holidays there and when we return we claim we left before midnight because I got homesick and you wanted to accompany me as part of our Sirius Potter-Black scheme!"

"And Petey and Remy?" Sirius asked with an enthusiastic grin and begging eyes, silently pleading with James to please have thought of something.

"We leave Petey here, and when they get him, he'll tell them what he remembers. Combine that with his injuries and our alibis, and the professors will think he's been obliviated!"

"Remy gets a letter then? We apologize for leaving so brusquely but you got really homesick?"

"Yes! Hop to it!" James shouted happily.

"The Party Pirates do it again!" Sirius exclaimed whilst high-fiving James.

James grinned before deadpanning, "No."

"Damn it!"

.

.

.

Sirius and James stumbled into the ridiculously unprotected teachers' lounge. They managed to get to the comfortable couches, where they immediately got into comfortable positions before chuckling softly.

They'd been forced to blindfold Sprout at one point, as she'd been standing in the hallway they needed to go through, and they'd also encountered Dumbledore, who had muttered something about apparently going temporarily blind.

Now, the boys had finally reached their destination. It was 4.27 a.m. and they had had a night with moments of hilarity and triumph, and moments of terror and fear. All in all, the boys were damn proud of their work that night.

Sirius looked up at James through half-lidded eyes.

"Hey Jamey."

"What Sirius?" James managed to mutter back.

"Happy New Year."

"Happy New Year Sirius."

* * *

**HAPPY NEW YEAR! It is 0:47 a.m., 1-1-2013, and I have just finished launching fireworks. You all have fun and leave me a review.**

**Now for the chapter itself, well it's a New Year's Eve chapter, and it's fluffy and happy and still manic and mad.**

**So leave me your thoughts and I'll see you later!**


	5. 16-3-72 to 17-3-72

**Chapter 5, hey ho, let's go!**

* * *

"Rule Number 13!" James sang as he skipped into the Marauders' dormitory.

Sirius perked up, an enormous smile breaking out on his face, "Really?! It's time already? Yippee!"

Remus groaned, burying his head in his pillow in a futile attempt to escape from James' and Sirius' eager grins.

Peter looked doubtful for a second before gathering his guts.

"Which one is that again?" The small boy blushed as he posed his question.

James let out an annoyed sigh and Sirius cried out in irritation: "Godric, Petey! Can you remember absolutely nothing? You're so stunned!"

Peter blushed even more, clearly embarrassed.

Taking pity on Peter, Remus spoke up.

"It's the Padfoot Rule, Peter, remember? I quote: 'Snivellus must be shampooed at least once every month."

Peter's face lit up with recognition, whilst Sirius and James beamed proudly at Remus.

"Alright, what did I do?" Remus said resignedly, knowing from his friends smiles that he'd done something they had dubbed as being an effect of their influence.

"You willingly called Snape by his correct name! Snivellus!" James smiled as Sirius happily explained.

Remus just sighed, having given up on his friends somewhere halfway through November.

"Oh right! How are we going to do that though? Just walking up to him won't work _again,_ right?"

Sirius pouted whilst James' expression grew pensive.

Remus tentatively spoke up: "Oh well we won't be able to do it then, we'll just scrap that rule from the final draft, right?"

"NO!" James and Sirius cried out immediately, completely horrified.

"Well I refuse to come up with a plan. The rule means I have to help with execution, not with thinking up a plan."

Sirius and James both stared at Remus uncomprehendingly.

Peter tentatively spoke up.

"Uh you guys, I think I have a plan…"

Sirius and James switched their baffled gazes to Peter.

"Well we'll have to wait for breakfast tomorrow, but how about we…" Peter started, before explaining his plan.

Slowly, James and Sirius looked at each other. Peter's plan wasn't good. It was pretty bad. But there was something there… They would just have to adjust it to fit their demands.

~~~~Scene Break~~~~

4.23 a.m., March 17, 1972; Marauder's dormitory.

Two boys jolted upright as one, a third one snored on, and the fourth one stiffened before continuing to fake sleep.

Sirius and James grinned before standing up and starting their morning ritual. Alright, so they normally would still be sleeping at this time, but they had a plan to execute this morning, and because of that, they were now carrying out their usual morning ritual before half past four in the morning.

So, James spoke up, "Get up Pete, we're getting ready."

Sirius of course was responsible for the still deeply snoring Remus.

Sirius took that responsibility very serious. He moved to stand next to Remus' bed, and he started shaking his friend's shoulder while constantly repeating "Remy, Remy, Remy, Remy, Remy, Remy, Remy, -"

Remus snored on whilst James and Peter moved for the bathroom. Sirius persisted in his waking of Remus. This was all nothing special, in another five seconds, he'd start pulling Remus' ear and if that didn't work he'd start jumping on Remus' bed.

As Sirius started pulling Remus' ear, James and Peter were rapidly brushing their teeth and splashing water in their faces. They were on a tight schedule after all.

Remus let out a moan, batting at Sirius' head with his left hand.

Sirius grinned, almost there…

As James came stumbling out of the bathroom, a piece of toothpaste still on his chin, Sirius grabbed both of Remus' ears and he twisted as hard as he could.

Remus kicked wildly , catching Sirius in the chest with his knee.

Whilst Peter came walking out of the bathroom as well, and James caught Sirius, Remus merely turned over and started snoring again.

"Your turn *wheeze* Jamey!" Sirius managed to get out whilst dramatically clutching his chest.

James took Sirius' place and started the waking process all over again whilst Sirius moved for the bathroom.

In the meantime, Peter was digging out the supplies for today's prank out of the Secret Stash. At the moment, the Secret Stash was still under Peter's bed, hidden by Peter's oversized blankets.

One day, the boys would create a worthy Secret Stash, one that wouldn't be discovered by McGonagall at least once every month.

But for now, the space under Peter's bed still had to do.

Sirius was carefully brushing his hair when Remus was finally forced awake by James.

James then joined Peter, preparing the supplies and going over the plan again, whilst Remus and Sirius finished their own morning rituals.

Finally, at 5.17 a.m., the boys were finally ready to roll.

The still nameless group of boys moved into the Gryffindor common room. James was in the lead, carrying a silver hula-hoop over his head. Sirius was second, carrying two buckets filled with what seemed to be soapy water. Then came Remus, his eyes still half-lidded, carrying a simple bottle of shampoo. Peter closed the line, carrying a box of eggs. After all, eggs were supposed to be good for your hair… Right?

The boys' procession came to a grinding halt when they spotted the curtain of red hair they could see poking up from a couch.

All four boys froze, staring anxiously at the head of Lily Evans.

Completely silent, the four boys gathered at the foot of the staircase, still staring anxiously at where Lily lay on a couch near the fire.

Ever so slowly, James started signaling his friends in a rather unclear shorthand.

Sirius immediately caught on to James, so he merely nodded before starting to signal his own explanation to Remus and Peter.

Peter looked very confused, not getting the two conflicting signal languages at all.

Remus seemed to understand, but he seemed doubtful. Still, he pulled out his wand and a quill and he transfigured it into… An umbrella?

Sirius, James and Peter all stared at Remus incredulously.

Remus looked back at his friends awkwardly, his expression clear: _This isn't what you meant, is it?_

Sirius facepalmed whilst James decided to lead by example.

The informal leader of the group slowly started tiptoeing towards the portrait hole.

Sirius followed him equally silent, and, now understanding, Remus followed as well.

Peter copied his friends, but he hadn't thought of one tiny detail.

He was far shorter than his friends, he took smaller steps, and he didn't lift his feet as high as his friends.

Because he didn't lift his feet as high as his friends, Peter didn't evade the bump in the carpet like his friends had.

No, he hit it with his right foot, which led to him stumbling and crashing into a chair.

That chair then scraped over the floor loudly, leading to Lily Evans bolting upright, awake but not yet aware.

Acting fast, Sirius and James grabbed Peter and literally threw him through the portrait hole before heroically diving after him in true action hero fashion, without making Sirius spill any water.

Remus meanwhile cast the strongest Lumos he had, blinding poor Lily, who wasn't prepared for that, before leaping out of the portrait hole as well, leaving only an innocent umbrella as proof of their actions.

The four boys legged it out of the corridor, not knowing whether or not Lily would check the portrait hole in an attempt to catch the people who'd woken her up.

The four boys proceeded to move for the Great Hall, moving through the completely abandoned castle as the teachers had stopped patrolling hours ago, and nobody was up yet at 5.45 a.m. on a Friday morning.

Entering the Great Hall, the boys paused.

"So… A tracking charm on the hoop, a transferring charm from the buckets to the hoop and another transferring charm from the shampoo bottle to the hoop. Then Remus disillusions the hoop. Oh and mix the eggs into the shampoo Pete." James summed up, getting agreeing nods from Sirius and Remus, and a furious blush from Peter.

"Um… I kind of broke the eggs when you threw me out of the common room…"

"Right. Pete, you got something off of Snivellus for me to tie the tracking charm to?" James spoke calmly, not letting this faze him as the eggs weren't an essential part of the prank anyways.

Peter nodded, pulling out a long, black greasy hair and holding it out to James.

"Right. Good job." James spoke, before motioning for Peter to place the hair on the rim of the hoop.

Once Peter did so, James carefully executed the spell by waving his wand in a circular motion ending with some kind of twirl while muttering "Spordet!"

As James stood back, Remus and Sirius moved forward and did their own pieces of magic.

"Excellent, now all we need is something like a colander to put over the buckets so that when we turn them around and let the transfer make the water come out of the hoop, it actually acts like a huge showerhead. Am I forgetting anything?"

Sirius shrugged and Peter merely gazed around anxiously, afraid the boys would get caught, but Remus spoke up.

"Well, you know, we have to put the hoop up above the doors and somehow make it stay there yet make it possible for it to move as soon as Snape enters the Hall."

Sirius let out a rather colorful swear, and James paled. Peter looked confused for a few seconds before he too paled.

"Ideas!" Sirius barked out angrily, upset that their prank was now at risk of failing.

"Wingardium Leviosa?" Peter offered hopefully.

"Petey! Have I told you exactly how stupid you are in the past hour?" Sirius spoke in a cheerful tone, getting a disapproving glare from Remus and a whack in the head from James.

"Focus Sirius!" James demanded.

"I am focused Jamey! It's just Petey's stupidity that got me distracted from thinking of a solution…" Sirius retorted, trailing off towards the end as his eyes lit up and he gazed hungrily at Peter.

"Sirius…" Remus spoke warningly, not trusting Sirius' expression.

The boys of course were absolutely not expecting what the young Black was about to propose.

~~~~Scene Break~~~~

James and Sirius were sitting shoulder to shoulder, happily munching on toast and scrambled eggs. Remus was facing them and the other three House Tables. Peter Pettigrew was conspicuously missing…

About three quarters of the students were present already, as well as the full staff, when Severus Snape stalked into the Great Hall, carrier bag slung over his shoulder and greasy hair covering his eyes.

James and Sirius watched anxiously as Snape veered off towards the Slytherin table, and they patiently waited for him to sit down.

Both boys then looked at the spot above the doors, where their hula hoop had been positioned until Snape had entered the Hall.

Giving the hoop a few more seconds to stabilize over Snape's head, James eventually gave the signal to Remus and Sirius.

"Make it rain."

As one, Remus and Sirius muttered their activation passwords. The passwords were "Activate." and "Sweet Snivellus Shower Secret!", it is not that hard to figure out who used what password.

Still, this served its goal. Because one password was noticeably longer, Severus Snape was suddenly treated to a stream of shampoo landing on top of his head, spreading across it and covering his usual black hair in the greenish goo.

It was only when a sufficient amount of shampoo had hit Snape's head, and a good amount of people had started laughing, that the second password activated. Thus treating Severus Snape to his very own personalized miniature monsoon.

As the entire hall exploded with laughter, the special shampoo started working, creating enormous amounts of pink bubbles and producing a strong smell of strawberries.

Snape and his friends desperately tried to undo the prank even as Slughorn came waddling from the staff table, all they managed to change were the pink bubbles, which the students somehow transfigured into a pungent orange foam, which only led to more hilarity.

Eventually Slughorn managed to calm down the chaos, and he easily vanished the disillusioned hula-hoop.

Sirius and James were laughing uproariously whilst Remus tried desperately to hide his grin.

The boys' laughter immediately ended when McGonagall suddenly appeared behind James and Sirius.

Turning in their seats, the boys gazed up at their professor.

"Hey there Professor Kitty Kat!" James smiled brightly, the picture perfect of innocence.

"How might we be able to aid you on this beautiful Friday morning?" Sirius spoke officiously, getting an amused chuckle from Remus.

"Five points from Gryffindor Mr. Potter, for not addressing your teacher respectfully. Now then boys, I would like to know why you have once again targeted Mr. Snape with another one of your hurtful pranks." McGonagall spoke briskly, gazing down imperiously at the two boys.

"Why I never!" Sirius gasped in horror.

"Indeed, I have never been so insulted in my life!" James shouted angrily.

"How dare you to simply presume we are guilty of such a vile crime in our time of crisis!" Sirius continued, puffing up his chest and glaring at McGonagall angrily.

"You should be ashamed of yourself Professor Kitty Kat!" James ranted.

"Ashamed indeed!" Sirius echoed, nodding along approvingly with James.

"We are without our dear friend Mr. Peter Pettigrew, the poor boy is missing breakfast despite his well known love of food, we are fearing for his health, and you simply come up here, and insult us by accusing us of giving Snape a shower!" James continued on, staring up at McGonagall with anger in his expression.

"A highly necessary shower." Sirius chimed in happily, before allowing James to finish up.

"As if we have the time to prepare such an elaborate scheme, as if we have the time to care about such inferior beings like Snape, Snape! When we are busily pondering the whereabouts and general health of our dear friend, Peter. Merlin knows what has become of him on this fine Friday morning."

McGonagall wasn't even fazed any more. She'd been the Head of House of these boys for over half a year now, she had gotten used to their impromptu speeches and general charisma.

"Detention tonight, 7 p.m., my office. All four of you." McGonagall spoke briskly before turning on her heel and starting for the staff table once again.

Sirius and James looked at each other before shrugging resignedly, "Oh well."

They then turned to Remus.

"Say Remus, seeing as the game is up, how about you let Peter enjoy breakfast with us."

Nodding, Remus pointed his wand towards the wall above the doors of the Great Hall before muttering a soft Finite.

There, Peter Pettigrew blinked into view, sticking to the wall courtesy of Sirius Black's sticking charm.

As the entire Great Hall stared incredulously at Peter, and the boy himself fainted out of shock/embarrassment, Sirius proudly spoke to his two conscious friends.

"You have to admit it was rather brilliant of me to stick Peter to the wall, and let him hold the hoop until Snivelly showed up!"

Remus focused on levitating the unconscious Peter to the ground, so it fell to James to give Sirius a shoulder clap.

"A scheme worthy of the Paciferous Pirates indeed!" James exclaimed.

"No." Sirius deadpanned.

"Damnit!"

* * *

**Done :) **

**Thanks for the reviews and the reading and please do so once more.**

**Ciao!**


	6. 1-5-1972 to 5-5-1972

**Exams are over :D and now I got two entire weeks of freedom! Scores won't be in until then either, so for now, all is good in the land of Ohgodifididbadlymyparentswil lfreakout. **

**So, to those of you who have me on Author Alert, and were hoping for an update to HPatEC, I'm sorry, but I needed to destress after a stressful period, and this is what is most relaxing of the things I write. Don't worry, HPatEC will live on and I shall see about updating once I have finished the next chapter of that lovely story. But for now, enjoy **

* * *

"Blow, blow, blow up the boat, cut the captain down! Happy, happy, happy, happy, cut that captain down!" Sirius sang happily as he cleaned the cages in which Professor Kitty Kat kept any animals she needed for her lessons.

Ignoring the incredulous stares from Remus and Peter and an angry glare from Kitty Kat, Sirius only noticed the chuckle from James.

"Good one! How about this?" James spoke before clearing his throat.

"Slay, slay, slay the snakes, blow the dungeons up! Happy, happy, happy, happy, blow the dungeons up!" James sang enthusiastically getting applause from Sirius and a sigh from Remus.

"That is enough! 5 points of Gryffindor for both of you Potter, Black! You are in detention as a punishment, not to maul a classic children's song!" McGonagall interrupted briskly, just as Sirius was about to start singing again.

As one, James and Sirius turned to McGonagall. Peter looked on in fascination and Remus said to McGonagall in a tired tone, "You should have phrased that differently Professor."

The moment Remus finished speaking, Sirius started rambling.

"And exactly what did we do to deserve a punishment in the first place my dear Professor Kitty Kat?"

"An excellent question Mr. Black! An excellent question indeed! And then there is of course another important question! That question is: What kind of educational institute forbids its students from expressing their creativity?! Is not it ridiculous that this school tries to hamper our creative growth!?" James picked up seamlessly where Sirius left off, making McGonagall think once again that these two boys were capable of mindreading.

"Indeed Mr. Potter! You raise a most excellent point! So not only are we punished for a still unmentioned crime, our creative growth is also hampered by these restrictive and outdated practices! And that is not even all, oh no! Not only do we get punished unjustly, oh no, our punishment consists of physical labor! How absolutely repulsive!" Sirius continued again, leaving McGonagall quite amused.

She knew she should interrupt, stop the boys from continuing, but these boys just had something about them.

"You are absolutely correct Mr. Black! What outdated practices indeed! This school punishes unjustly, stunts our creative development and forces us into physical labour! We should avenge ourselves! We must retaliate against this institution!" James shouted, oddly reminiscent of the leader of a strike or rebellion.

Sirius yanked out his wand and pointed it at his own face before bellowing "Pingere!"

The next moment, Sirius faced was died Gryffindor red, a golden lion on his right cheek.

James yanked his wand out as well, casting the same charm, which caused his face to get died as well. The dominating colour was scarlet red again, but this time instead of a lion, James had a golden coloured cross, the vertical strip running between his eyes and over his nose, all the way from hairline to chin, and the horizontal strip from his ears on either side, over the eyes and crossing the vertical strip over the root of the nose.

Just as McGonagall stood up and attempted to interfere, only now realizing that the boys were going to do something spontaneous again, but she was too late.

As one, James and Sirius pointed their wands upwards.

"Obscurum!" "Ater!" The boys bellowed, leading to thick, black banks of fog flowing out of their wands and into the room. Within a second, nobody could see an inch before their hands.

"FREEDOM!" James and Sirius bellowed loudly, leading to McGonagall doing her utmost best to dispel the black smog that hung in the classroom.

When Minerva finally managed to dispel the thick black smoke, not only were James and Sirius missing, Peter and Remus were missing as well.

Letting out a deep sigh, Minerva felt a strong desire to just turn around, crawl into bed, and deal with whatever mayhem the Marauders were planning in the morning.

But she didn't do that. Instead, she started moving for the most probable location of the Marauders. Their dormitory.

Whatever plan the boys were concocting or executing, they would most likely need supplies they hid somewhere in their dormitory. Most likely under Mr. Pettigrew's bed.

As Minerva walked swiftly towards the Gryffindor common room, she encountered Filius on the stairs from the fifth to the sixth floor.

"Hello Minerva, where are you rushing off to?" The tiny professor squeaked with a slight smile, as he paused to talk to Minerva.

The Transfiguration professor didn't have time to stop for a chat though, so instead she just spoke, "My first year boys."

As McGonagall moved on, she was surprised when Flitwick caught up to her and started jogging along with her.

"Aren't they supposed to be in detention right now?" Filius asked curiously, having to take two steps for every one of Minerva's.

"That's the problem Filius, they escaped whilst bellowing 'freedom!', with face paint on, and whilst my classroom was filled with black smoke so thick I couldn't see a single thing!" Minerva explained, turning around a corner and moving for the hidden tapestry that would lead her to within sixty feet of the Fat Lady.

"Oh dear!" Filius muttered worriedly as he kept pace with the Head of Gryffindor.

When the two professors arrived at the Fat Lady, Minerva briskly spoke, "Bibblebobbs."

The Fat Lady and the two professors moved on. Minerva easily climbing into the portrait hole and Flitwick jumping into it in a move so swift, any professional athlete who had been there to see it would've been jealous.

Minerva moved up the boys' stairs all the way to the top, and when she tried to open the door to the first years dorm, she was surprised when it opened easily.

Walking into the dorm, Minerva spotted Sirius Black, the lower half of his body hanging out of the window next to his bed, giving her a cheeky grin before pushing himself all the way through and falling out of sight.

Shrieking, Minerva ran to the window and stuck her head and her wand-arm outside, hoping she might still somehow save Sirius.

What she saw however, made Minerva both furious beyond belief and almost got her to sob in relief.

Sirius was sat behind James Potter on a broom, and the boys were lazily descending down to the grounds where two other shapes were waiting. Remus and Peter no doubt.

Sirius looked back to the window from which he'd jumped, and shouted out as hard as he could, "FREEDOM!"

With that, James and Sirius touched the ground and the four boys ran off and out of sight.

Pulling back into the dorm, Minerva turned to Filius.

"Potter caught him on his broom, he's fine." She said to Filius, who breathed out in relief.

"Now I don't know what you plan to do Filius, but those four boys won't be caught until they decided to come out into the open anyways, so I am just going to alert Filch and then I am retiring for the evening. Goodnight." Minerva spoke before striding towards the door.

She was not dealing with this right now. She refused to go on a wild goose chase through Hogwarts when the four first year Gryffindor boys knew more hiding places between them than the entire Hogwarts staff did. Albus excluded of course, but the old codger was far too amused with the boys to actually help the professors search for them or punish them, so that wouldn't help either.

She'd have Filch attempt damage control and hope that the boys weren't planning to blow anything up.

~~~~Scene Break~~~~

James, Sirius, Remus and Peter sat in silence in the Forbidden Forest. They'd started a small fire and they were currently roasting sausages Peter had gotten from the kitchens. The boys were enjoying themselves.

James' face was still painted, but he wasn't wearing glasses any longer. His hair stuck out at odd angles and looked unkempt and untamed. He wasn't wearing a standard school uniform. Instead, he wore a tartan kilt coloured red and gold, and a shoulder sash in the same colouring. Other than that, James' chest was bare. Slung over his back hung a claymore, the handle protruding over his right shoulder, which was hilarious, as James had only turned twelve a month ago.

Sirius was dressed in a kilt the same colour as James', but over his chest ran two leather bands which crisscrossed over each other. And on his back, two axes hung from holsters attached to those leather bands. With his long black hair, Sirius looked rather intimidating… For a first year student…

Remus was remarkably clothed in comparison to his friends, he wore an kilt identical to that of his friends, but he'd been allowed to wear trousers under it. Remus also wore black boots, unlike James and Sirius who were both barefooted. Remus wore a carefully fashioned brigandine over a normal, dirty brown and long-sleeved shirt. It contrasted sharply with the kilt, but James and Sirius refused to let him change it. His sandy hair had been ruffled by Sirius to look more 'rugged', Remus thought it looked unclean. Finally, Remus had a wooden round shield slung over his back and a normal broadsword by his side.

Peter finally was most displeased with his outfit, as Sirius and James had seen fit to give their smaller and heavier friend a jesters' outfit. From the typical hat with bells all the way to the long-toed and frilly shoes, Peter was dressed up like a red and golden jester. And unlike the rather impressive armaments of his friends, Peter had been granted a catapult.

So the four boys sat around the campfire, roasting sausages and enjoying the build-up to the war they would wage when the morning came.

~~~~Scene break~~~~

The Hogwartians were having breakfast, and since it was a Tuesday, and classes started at the same time for everybody, almost all of the students were present. The staff that normally came to breakfast was fully present as well, and McGonagall seemed to be looking around the Hall far more attentively than usual.

Filch hadn't found the group of four who still hadn't decided on a cool group name, and now McGonagall was worried about what the boys had planned.

Her worries would turn out to be perfectly justified, as the four first years were currently marching towards the Great Hall from the Forbidden Forest.

As the four boys entered the Entrance Hall, they started shouting and screaming, making a racket so loud as if an entire army was storming into Hogwarts.

The students in the Great Hall stared at the doors anxiously, not knowing who was making the loud and frightening noises. Some first and second years were scrambling towards the staff table already.

The professors were aware that the four Gryffindor first years were planning something, so they kept their calm and decided to take a wait and see approach.

And then, the boys came thundering in. James and Sirius led with Peter on James' flank and Remus on Sirius'.

All of them had their weapons drawn, and they looked rather menacing, even if they were only eleven year olds.

As one, the boys targeted the various tables. Sirius of course went for his beloved family members at the Slytherin table. Swinging his axes, everybody was stunned when streams of pudding came flying out of the blades. Bella, who was a seventh year, caught a face full of the yellow goo, and Narcissa screamed in terror as her hair was ruined by another big glob of pudding. Sirius cackled like a maniac before targeting the rest of the Slytherins.

Remus had been chosen to attack the Ravenclaws, and he did so with verve. As he swung his sword, chocolate pudding came flying out and at the Ravenclaws, and when one of them retaliated by throwing a sandwich at his face, he caught it with his shield.

Peter had gotten the Hufflepuffs, as those were the only ones Peter dared to attack. Peter had a large bag of éclairs next to him, and he shot those at the Hufflepuffs with his catapult.

Finally, James pulled his long claymore and swung it once from left to right. A large glob of pistachio ice-cream came flying out, right at the staff table.

Most professors could only stare in a mix of horror and fascination as the ice-cream came flying at them. The exception was of course Albus Dumbledore, who merely smiled benignly as he conjured himself a glass bowl to catch some ice-cream in, and an invisible shield to protect the rest of his body.

As the professors got hit by James' excellent shot, the leader of the currently named Wild Warriors turned to the other Gryffindors.

"FOOD FIGHT!" James shouted loudly, his fellow Warriors closing formation as they slowly started retreating towards the Gryffindor table.

Immediately, the Gryffindors grabbed what food they could, and they started slinging and throwing it at the other houses. The upper years used magic to launch food over the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws, just so that they could hit the Slytherins.

The group that was currently testing the name 'Wild Warriors', had by this point passed the Hufflepuff table and they were now taking command over the Gryffindor defenses, instructing the upper years to turn the benches up and widen them to serve as barriers against enemy foods.

Now the entire Hall exploded into action, with everybody fighting everybody, and the professors watching on unsurely, waiting for Dumbledore to take the lead, but the long bearded wizard merely sat there enjoying his ice-cream as he watched his students wage a delicious war.

After fifteen minutes, the battle finally slowed down, the professors had cleaned themselves up, but other than that not a single student remained clean.

Well… There were four first year Gryffindors who were still clean. But they had cheated, as they'd slipped out of the Hall somewhere near the five-minute mark.

Remus and Peter had gone to the kitchens to get more supplies, to continue their camping trip in the Forest. James and Sirius had told their friends they would go set up some more traps and practical jokes throughout the castle, but they had actually slipped into the currently completely unguarded library, where they were currently pillaging the bookcases in an attempt to find more books on the Animagus transformation, as they'd finished all the books they'd previously gathered.

In the Great Hall, the professors were only just realizing that the boys who had started this food war had fled yet again.

McGonagall turned to Dumbledore exasperatedly, "Albus, you can't let this continue!"

Dumbledore hummed thoughtfully, licking off his spoon before gazing over the warzone in front of him. The Houses had actually sent delegates to the Hufflepuff table were they seemed to be negotiating, trying to reach peace.

"I believe the students can use something relaxing like this Minerva, it is perfect to relieve stress before the exams." Dumbledore smiled benignly, ignoring Minerva's frustration.

~~~~Scene break~~~~

The Wild Warriors were gathered around their campfire again, they'd been forced to flee earlier, when Hagrid had gotten very close to finding them, but the half giant had left again and hadn't found the Warriors' camp place.

Now, Remus had gone to bed, bed being a comfortable camping bed courtesy of James' last foray into the Muggle world. Peter was toasting marshmallows on 5 sticks at once.

Sirius and James were pouring over the pilfered books they'd managed to grab from the library. They were composing a comprehensive guide which consisted of all useful knowledge plus their own experiences.

They'd discovered that there were two ways to discover your Animagus form. The first way had immediately been vetoed by Sirius, as it consisted of deep and intense meditation and self-contemplation.

The second way wasn't nice either, because it involved a potion with unique and pricey ingredients.

Fortunately, it wasn't all that difficult to brew. This "Where-Will-You-Grow-Hair-When-You-Grow-Up-Potion", as Sirius had dubbed it, could be brewed in two months and didn't need all that much effort. So, James and Sirius had decided that James would brew the potion during the summer vacation, at his home.

That taken care of, they were currently focusing on whether or not you could influence what your Animagus would be. One of their earlier books had hinted at that and the boys were already imagining themselves as lions or cheetahs or eagles or something equally impressive and badass.

James would never admit it, but when he'd seen a starry-eyed Lily Evans stare at a picture of a completely black horse, he had secretly hoped that he might get that to be his Animagus so that he could let her ride him.

But, try as they might, the boys still hadn't found any concrete evidence to support the theory that they would be able to pick out their own Animagus forms.

And so, two entire days passed.

The Marauders camped out for two full days in the Forbidden Forest, enjoying sausages and marshmallows, planning pranks, plots and plans, and doing loads of research.

They were doing humongous amounts of research on all kinds of rather advanced magic. Because the boys had come to the conclusion that the supplies and the tools they received from Hogwarts weren't sufficient to get the most out of their years at the school.

For one, they wanted to create a better place in which they could hide their Secret Stash. The room under Peter's bed was too well known. So, the four boys were planning to enchant a piece of the wall between the bathroom door and the window on James' side. Then, when tapping the correct stones in the correct order, the Stash would become visible. The idea was based on Diagon Alley.

Then, there was the Animagus project, which only James and Sirius researched, when Remus was asleep, which was insanely complicated and not a single book had a decent how-to guide or anything even remotely resembling it.

Of course, the boys were busily discussing new group names as well, as the Wild Warriors hadn't made the final cut either. They were currently discussing the dropping of the adjective and just using a single word as their group name. Sirius was vehemently opposed, as it took all the fun out of coming up with wacky combinations.

Also discussed was the code, the collection of rules by which these four boys would live their Hogwartian lives. Rules were constantly added and scrapped, and names were given and changed as well. All in all, the boys did more in two days than they normally managed to do in two whole weeks.

Unfortunately, their productive time in the forest couldn't last forever, and the next day, they walked into the Great Hall at breakfast as if nothing had ever happened.

The Gryffindors gave them a standing ovation, the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws cheered loudly, as they'd had loads of fun during the food fight, and the Slytherins glared.

As for the professors… Slughorn was chuckling, Flitwick was giggling, Sprout wore a small smile, McGonagall was frowning and Dumbledore was twinkling.

And so the Gryffindor first year boys of 1971-1972, were the first students ever who had to serve detention every single night during their entire exam period.

But, it had been worth it. For these four boys, James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew, had found themselves a name. And from their second year onward, all Hogwarts would know that name.

And that name was…

_**The Marauders**_

* * *

_****_**You like? Yes? I hope you like. I hope you love. I hope you review. Tot ziens! Vaarwel! Tot de volgende keer! We zien elkaar spoedig weer!**


	7. 1-9-1972

******It's huge, isn't it? It really is. Anyways, no apologies from me for the tardiness, as I will never update regularly again ever. Also, for those who happen to be hoping for more HPatEC, Patience is a virtue and I wanted to write this, although I do admit to it having gotten far larger than originally planned. Anyways, enjoy the shenanigans of our favourite foursome and let me know what you think.**

* * *

**9.52 a.m. Friday, 1 September 1972, Platform Nine and Three Quarters, King's Cross Station **

Platform Nine and Three-Quarters was filled to capacity. A new year at Hogwarts was about to begin, and students were saying their final goodbyes to the family members that wouldn't follow them.

Lily Evans was saying goodbye to her beloved parents and her less beloved sister. Many others were having happy reunions and teary goodbyes as well.

Everybody both still on the platform and already in the train looked up in surprise, when a voice reminiscent of a boxing announcer rang throughout station and train.

"Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaadieeeees aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa nd Gentlemen! Please direct your attention to the barbershop quartet on top of the Hogwarts Express!"

Nobody knew what was going on, but most looked up at the train in time so as not to miss the beginning of the performance that was about to take place.

A surprisingly deep bass voice was suddenly heard singing, **"Evaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan s"**

Sirius Black popped up from behind the Express, dressed in a stereotypical red and white barbershop outfit, he was the singer who was currently holding the 'a'.

A baritone joined, _"Evaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaans",_ and Remus Lupin popped up, also in the barbershop outfit.

A tenor joined now, and there was Peter Pettigrew, decked out similarly to Sirius and Remus, "Evaaaaaaaaaaaaans".

And then the lead voice jumped in, and there was James Potter also in the typical attire, "Evaaaaaans."

The boys finished as one, and James winked roguishly at Lily, who was red as a tomato.

And then Sirius sang again, **"Will youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…"**

Remus joined, _"Will youuuuuuuuuuu…"_

Peter fell in, "Will youuuuu…"

The three boys stopped singing, and then all four sang harmoniously, "Will youuuu go out with-"

"**Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaames"**

"_Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame s"_

"Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaames"

"Meeeeeeeeeeeeee?"

The four boys stopped signing, and the entire platform turned to Lily Evans as one. She might as well have been on fire for how red she was.

"No Potter!" She yelled furiously, drawing quite a few ohs and boos from the crowd.

Sirius decided to take the expected disappointment and make it into something fun.

He sang, **"Oh nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo …"**

Remus caught on, _"Oh noooooooooooooooooooooooo…"_

Peter then added his voice to the melody, "Oh noooooooooooooooo…"

The three finished nicely and James deadpanned, "Damnit!"

People laughed and applauded and the Marauders disappeared out of sight behind the train, from where they entered their compartment via the vanished window. Research and hard work paid off, as the Marauders were all years ahead of the curriculum in their own specializations.

James was the Transfiguration specialist, and a mean Duellist as well. Sirius had a gift for Charms and a way with Creatures. Remus was the booky one, already advanced in third year subjects Arithmancy and Ancient Runes, he was also the favoured Potioneer, although James and Sirius were capable as well. They had to be to succeed in most of their pranks and actions. Peter was good in Herbology and he was a specialist in retrieving stuff. If any Marauder needed something from kitchens or Slughorn's ingredients stash, Peter went to fetch it, and he succeeded in an astonishing 95 percent of cases.

The Marauders switched clothes, dressing in their Hogwarts robes to be released from the barbershop outfits and so that they wouldn't have to change later on the train ride.

That done, the four boys sat down. James and Sirius faced Remus and Peter and the four boys sat grinning and chuckling as they reflected on their earlier performance.

Suddenly, Sirius' eyes widened and his mouth fell into a perfect O.

Remus sat opposite Sirius, so he was the first to notice, and James used their soul-twin feeling to notice as well. Peter noticed that they were now all watching a still realization-struck Sirius, so he joined. The three were preparing for an insane outburst as Sirius was… well, Sirius.

"You guys… We're reunited! After months of lonely nights and isolation we have been reunited and are going back to Hogwarts!" Sirius yelled exuberantly, a wide smile on his face.

Grins broke out on the others' faces as well.

"The Marauders are back in action boys!" James shouted happily, before flinging out his arms and diving towards the middle of the compartment.

James would have faceplanted if t hadn't been for Sirius, who threw himself towards the middle as well. The two boys caught onto each other and drew Remus and Peter into the group hug as well.

All was well and beautiful and happy, so of course, somebody had to come and ruin it.

"Oh how cute. The cute little lions are hugging!" A haughty voice spoke from the compartment door.

The Marauders didn't break their hug. James and Peter ducked a bit and Sirius and Remus rose up a bit. The boys somewhat resembled a four-headed monster as they turned to watch their visitors.

Framed in the doorway stood Slytherin Sixth Year Narcissa Black, two 'enforcers', fifth year Slytherin boys who were wide in the shoulders and had broad arms. And unsorted soon to be first year Regulus Black.

Narcissa was the one who'd spoken.

"Hi niecey. Little brother. Muscles one and two." Sirius smiled innocently, the picture of friendliness.

"You should've brought Snivellus, we could've had a jolly good reunion party then!" James spoke, an equally empty smile on his face.

"Now now now little lions. No big mouths from you! Aunt Walburga is none too pleased with you. Running off to the Potters like that in the middle of the summer vacation. You aren't worthy of the Black name!" Ranted Narcissa, frowning at Sirius and looking down haughtily upon the rest.

Sirius seemed to draw into himself, which made the others tighten their hug and James returned fire with an acidic, "The Black name isn't worthy of Sirius!"

As Narcissa and Regulus drew horrified gasps, James bellowed "NOW!"

The block of four splintered. Sirius drew two huge foot-long knives out of nowhere with which he threatened the enforcers, who didn't get the chance to do anything. Physical nor magical.

James and Remus double-teamed Narcissa, who managed to conjure a shield to stop Remus' Expelliarmus, but she was stopped from retaliating by James, who had transfigured one of the curtains next to the door into a rope, which he then animated to bind Narcissa's wand arm. She couldn't react in time to avoid Remus' second Expelliarmus.

Peter shot a Flipendo at Regulus, who went flying out of the compartment, dropping his wand on the way. Peter then rounded up first Regulus', then the enforcers' and finally Narcissa's wand.

James lengthened the rope he'd transfigured, which he then used to tie the four Slytherins together back to back. Sirius was cackling manically and juggling his two knives all the time.

"Now… What are we going to do with you?" James asked as if he were a teacher reprimanding misbehaving students.

~~~~Scene Break~~~~

"With that taken care of, back to more important business. Sirius, Peter, I finished it, we'll be out of it for about half an hour and we are going to drink them right now." James spoke once the Marauders had returned from dumping the Slytherins in an empty compartment.

He gave aforementioned boys a glass filled with turquoise potion, clinked glasses with them and spoke, "Bottoms up!"

The three boys drank as one and Remus could only look on incredulously as his friends fainted in their seats. They hadn't told him anything about what they were doing, and he didn't know that the boys had just drunken the Animagus Vision Potion. Or as Sirius still called it, the Where-will-you-grow-hair-when-you-grow-up-potion.

Remus didn't bother, he pulled out his notes on the Permanency Runes he needed to be able to carve, as part of the research towards creating a permanent Secret Stash.

Remus got ten minutes on uninterrupted research when the compartment received visitors once again.

A _still _red-faced Lily Evans stormed in loudly, followed by a smug looking Severus Snape.

"James Potter you arrogant jerk! How dare you embarrass me like that! You should-" Lily screamed, getting a pained wince from Remus and no reaction whatsoever from the other three.

Lily stared at James in surprise, as the boy in question lay knocked out on the bench, his head leaning on Sirius shoulder and Sirius head in turn leaning on his.

"Potter!" Lily screamed as loud as she could, getting no reaction at all from James, as he was deep in his potion-induced trance.

Frustrated, Lily turned to the only conscious Marauder, "What are they doing Lupin!?" She screeched angrily, getting a frown from Remus.

"Lupin? I'm sorry, not only are you being rather rude Lily, I also do not know. I think you overstayed your welcome here, would you mind leaving please?" Remus spoke coldly, not at all pleased with Lily's rudeness. There were other ways to convey a message.

Lily flushed, before storming out of the compartment. Snape turned on his heels after sneering at Remus, and the werewolf pointed his wand at the snake's back before muttering a spell.

Dinner would be very colorful if this kept up.

~~~~Scene Break~~~~

Remus looked up as he could hear two deep, simultaneous groans and a lighter moan.

The three boys who'd been previously knocked out were waking up. Remus put away his book. He wanted some answers and his friends were going to give those to him.

James and Sirius suddenly flew upright. Eyes wide, they stared at each other.

"I'm a huge black dog! I swear I could wrestle a bear like that!" Sirius yelled exuberantly, bouncing excitedly up and down.

"I'm a stag with a huge rack! I reckon I can do 35 miles per hour!" James shouted happily, jumping on top of Sirius after which the two boys happily rolled around on the floor laughing and shouting.

Peter squeaked up after a minute or so, "I'm a rat."

James and Sirius stared at Peter incredulously, which made him blush furiously, and Remus stared uncomprehendingly around the compartment.

"Would any of you care to explain what is going on?!" A frustrated Remus asked, a frown on his face and not showing even a hint of his usually smiling eyes.

James and Sirius stopped rolling around on the floor to stare up at Remus with a "hand-in-the-cookiejar"-expression.

Peter let out a terrified squeak before scrambling to hide behind the still clinging onto each other James and Sirius.

"We uhm- that is to say we- uh…" James started in an unusual stuttering and uncertain tone.

"Yes well that is to say we have this ehm… game going on, where each kind of animal has a certain number of points and you have a steady amount of points with which you can build an animal and then we decide who would win in a fight, and he gets a point, and we dot that ten times and whoever has the most wins is the winner. Great fun!" Sirius hesitated, before giving his highly detailed explanation, demonstrating why he was the excuses-specialist of the Marauders.

James jumped in on Sirius' explanation, continuing enthusiastically where his friend left off, "And we also give each animal a name per round, so Pete, who used loads of points in the first nine rounds, only has a rat now, and I propose the name of Cheesy!"

Sirius snorted and Peter expressed his displeasure by retaliating immediately, "And you can be Bambi then James!"

Sirius broke down laughing, whilst James and Peter had a stare down, which of course James won.

Remus huffed, he didn't buy this. So, he had to ask the one question with which every lie in which both James and Sirius contributed, could be blown up.

"Who's winning?" Remus asked innocently.

As one, James and Sirius spoke, "I am!"

The two turned to each other, opened their mouths to start a discussion, and then realized they were busted.

"So, with the obligatory lie out of the way, let's skip the half-truth and jump straight to the actual truth." Remus directed with a stern look.

Slowly, the three boys who were on the floor got back to their places on the benches.

James sighed deeply, he would be the one who'd have to explain, as Peter wouldn't be able to come out of his words, and Sirius wasn't good at actually speaking the truth.

"Remus, you have to promise not to get mad." James spoke, preparing himself for the dreadfully difficult act of convincing Remus Lupin that people wanted to help him.

"Why? What did you do?" Remus asked suspiciously.

"No. You have to promise. I swear that it's nothing illegal or hurtful or stuff like that!" James spoke rapidly, staring at Remus with big, encouraging eyes.

Sirius of course went over the top, sinking to his knees and raising his hands towards Remus, "Oh merciful Lupin! Show mercy upon us and honor us with the binding of your temper! We are but specks of dust upon the carpet that is your Lupineness!"

Remus cut the dramatic Black off.

"Fine, I won't get mad, now explain. Please."

James glanced at Sirius and Peter before speaking, "We, that is to say, Sirius, Peter and I, think it sucks that you always hurt yourself during the full moon and that you have to spend it all alone in the Shrieking Shack. Because of this, last year during the New Year's feast and fireworks, we spent our evening in the library. _All _of the library. There, we searched for ways that would enable us to keep you company during the full moon."

Remus frowned, "There aren't any, I'm a werewolf and you can't just search in the Restricted Section like that! You could get suspended!"

"Now, now, Mr. Lupin, you promised not to get mad." Sirius spoke calmly, a creepy smile playing on his lips.

"We actually did find something. Werewolves don't attack other animals, and we discovered how we can become animals. Which is why we have since been studying the Animagus transformation, and we just had the potions that showed us our forms if we had one. And we all do! The books said it was a chance of 1 in 10 for any one of us so for all three of us to have an Animagus form that's 1 chance in a 1000! This is destiny!" James explained happily, trying to infect Remus with the enthusiasm they felt for this project.

James didn't succeed though, oh quite the opposite, he failed spectacularly. Of course, the spectacular part is to be expected. A Marauder's actions are **always **spectacular.

Sirius mock-frowned, "You promised not to get mad Remy. That'll be three homework assignments of choice for both James and me, as for Petey, he gets half of the chocolate currently in your trunk, however much that may be."

James cheered enthusiastically and Peter blanched dramatically before starting to drool, "So much chocolate…"

Remus growled quite wolf-like, and the entire compartment immediately fell silent.

"This is not funny." Remus spoke curtly.

"You are going to return those books and forget about this idiotic idea immediately. I do NOT want you to do something as stupid as this just to be able to get yourselves killed in style during the full moon." Remus continued, acting very much the part of the responsible group member.

Of course, he made a mistake, and Sirius was the one to run with it, "But Remy! You don't understand! Style is everything to me!"

Remus' face softened minutely whilst James suppressed a manly giggle before speaking, "We know Sirius, we share a bathroom with you."

Tension broken, Peter spoke next, "Yeah Sirius, James has a rat's nest on his head,"

Remus now jumped in as well, "And I grow extremely hairy every month, and yet you're the one with five different kinds of shampoo!"

All occupants of the compartment who were not Sirius broke into a laughing fit as James managed to get out, "And that's without counting your conditioners!"

James, Remus and Peter found all of this hilarious, as they kept laughing for a solid five minutes, restarting every time they calmed down once they glanced at Sirius' grumpy expression.

Finally, everybody calmed down, and James took the opportunity that a winded Remus provided to restart the earlier discussion.

"We will become Animagi with or without your approval Remus. We don't give a- Sirius!"

"Flibbering snail's tentacle!" Sirius improvised as James called on him.

"about what your opinion on the matter is. So you might as well suck it up instead of being such a- Sirius!"

"Pussyfooting mud-crawling arse-kissing ruler-up-your-hindquarters wiener!" Sirius once again jumped in, impressing everyone with his inventiveness yet again, yet not distracting from the argument.

"and help us out!" James finished his monologue with insertions from Sirius.

Seeing Remus sputter, and knowing that James and Sirius were probably out of creative mind-juice, Peter took up his role as secondary voice of reason, "And we already returned all books to the Forbidden Section at the end of last year. All useful information has been compiled into the 'Marauders' guide: Animagus'," Peter spoke, pausing dutifully for Sirius insertion.

"Patent pending," Sirius rattled in a dry voice before allowing Peter to continue.

"There are no more potions involved, at this point all we have to do is supposedly deep meditation so we're able to contact our spirit animal at will, then we have to master the actual transfiguration by using partial transfigurations of increasing difficulty, and then we have to subjugate the spirit animal at which point we're Animagi." Peter finished proudly, satisfied that he had successfully remembered all of that.

Now if only he'd manage the same when there were grades involved and he could actually gain something more solid than the somewhat surprised looks from his three friends.

James sighed, "Although that sounds surprisingly easy, we have loads of other things to work on as well and it's all a lot harder than it seems as evidenced by the fact that those recorded cases who focused on becoming Animagus were all adults and took half a year at least. And they could focus on it."

Everybody was silent for a few minutes, before Remus hesitantly spoke up, "You really want to do this for me?"

Sirius had to stop a quip about howling alongside Remus and James had to bite his tongue to prevent a remark about being even more egocentric than Sirius from slipping out. They both managed and then both of them as well as Peter jumped on top of Remus in a totally manly group hug.

~~~~Scene Break~~~~

**8.23 p.m. Friday, 1 September 1972, Great Hall, Hogwarts.**

The Great Hall was rapidly filling up, as the final returning students had just entered the last carriage at the Hogsmeade train station to Hogwarts.

The Soon-to-be-First Years were about to have their first view of Hogwarts under the watchful eye of Rubeus Hagrid.

As for the Marauders… James, Peter and Remus were sat at the Gryffindor table, happily chatting and laughing. Perfectly normal behavior, although the absence of Sirius Black had those few who knew what to look for in the boys, on the edges of their seats.

Except for Albus of course, he knew the boys would do nothing too terrible and perhaps their special brand of entertainment was just what was necessary to kick off the year on a good note.

Then, the voice same voice that had sounded earlier at Platform nine and three quarters, reverberated throughout the Great Hall.

"Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aadiesss aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand Gentlemen! Please, turn your attention to the doors and give it up for Narcissa Black!" It boomed, getting the desired effect from the entire Hall.

That was the moment at which Narcissa entered. Narcissa's usually perfectly coiffed blonde hair had been painted the brightest orange, her face was riddled with zits and one of her breasts appeared to have lost the battle against gravity fifty years ago.

Laughter erupted throughout the Great Hall, although some of the teachers tensed. They couldn't allow this!

Narcissa practically ran off to the Slytherin Table, where her wand appeared on the empty golden plate in front of her the moment she sat down. She immediately started trying to restore her appearance with the assistance of some fellow Snakes.

"Mrs. Black is showcasing one of the many models from the Freak-of-Nature line. This line of looks is specifically reserved for inbred bigots and doubters of manliness. The line was inspired by some of the more selective lines in the Black Family, as portrayed on the Black family portrait." The announcer's voice rang through the Hall, drawing laughter from most and a near lethal glare from still ugly Narcissa.

"Now, please turn your attention to the doors once more. As a special intermezzo, we have for you… Drumroll please." The voice sounded, and the corresponding drumroll could be heard.

The roll hit its final note and the announcer proclaimed: "Two Nameless Enforcers showcasing our Monkeys-in-Suits models!"

And indeed, two chimpanzees came through the doors, walking on their hind legs. Both wore a fine three-piece suit, and held a martini in one of their hands. Everybody broke down laughing again.

As the incredibly broad and muscular chimps moved off to the Slytherin table, where two Seventh years started trying to return them to normal, the voice spoke up again, "Intended for those with more brawn than brain, the Monkeys-in-Suits look is reserved for those who don't stand out, but ape whatever their sinister leaders do."

Getting laughs from the audience, the voice continued.

"Now, modeling our True-Form line, ladies and gentlemen, please give your attention, to Snivellus Snape!"

Snape entered the Great Hall, although he was pretty hard to recognize. His hair now reached his knees and the thick, greasy curtain obscured everything from Snape's knees up from view.

The Hall burst into rowdy laughter once again whilst a furious McGonagall got up to lecture the present Marauders.

The voice spoke undeterred, "The True-Form line brings out your inner self and enhances your exterior to actually resemble the interior. As Snivellus is so happy to demonstrate, he is a greasy git, so his greasy hair was enhanced. Which also has the added benefit of hiding that ugly mug of his!"

More laugher ensued as Snape stalked to the Slytherin table, where he too was beset by fellow students who did their best to help him.

McGonagall was closing in on the three final Marauders, and they noticed, as Remus hastily waved his wand in order to get the voice to speed it up a bit.

"And now, for our final and greatest star. Ladies and gentlemen, but especially the ladies, enjoy! Here he is, the one, the only, Sirius Black!"

Everyone stared at the doors in astonishment as Sirius walked in cool as can be. Acting as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

Sirius walked to his friends, the very definition of casual. Meanwhile, everyone had their eyes glued to him as Sirius was living up to his last name.

From head to toe, Sirius was completely black. And not just a spray tan or anything, no. Sirius was black as the night, from head to toe and everything in between. He wore a tight fitting outfit that was the exact same tint of black as his hair, teeth, skin and eyes were.

The entire Hall broke into riotous laughter whilst the Marauders acted as if nothing special was going on.

McGonagall just sighed deeply. "Two weeks of detention. All four of you. You're lucky Gryffindor doesn't have any points I can take yet."

The Marauders just grinned. James said what his friends were thinking, "Totally worth it."

~~~~Scene Break~~~~

**10.34 p.m. Friday, 1 September 1972, Marauders' Dormitory, Gryffindor Tower**

"So we're clear on this? We're going to do this without alerting anybody or blowing stuff up?" James asked of his three friends. The four boys gathered in a semi-circle facing the piece of wall between the bathroom door and the window on Sirius' side.

"Could we go through it one more time?" Peter asked shyly, hopping from one foot to the other anxiously.

"Of course we can," James immediately said, cutting of Sirius who was about to insult Peter, making the boy even more insecure and thus decreasing the likelihood of success, "We can go over it as often as you need Peter, no stress."

"So, step one is Remus' job. He will force a link into the ambient magic of the castle. With that connection formed, I will create the opening behind the wall, then you, Peter, will do the Undetectable Extension Charm on the space I've created, then I'll transfigure the interior we agreed on, after which all three of us must hold our spells whilst Sirius will push his upper body into the Stash and carve the permanency runes. When he gets out and gives the signal, you and I can drop our spells. Then Sirius and you will use the Magicos Transferros to help Remus maintain the connection whilst I create a portal to the Stash based on the Diagon Alley one." James explained at length, making sure that Peter really fully understood. They could not fail!

Peter nodded, "Alright, I'm ready."

Remus took a deep sigh before starting the process by softly putting the tip of his wand against the wall, a few feet away from where the boys wanted to place the Stash.

The other three boys could only watch on anxiously as Remus went through the complicated and advanced process of worming his way into the ambient magic of Hogwarts.

They had to wait for about a minute, before Remus tapped his foot on the ground twice in rapid succession.

Recognizing the agreed upon signal, James visualized the small cavernous space he wanted to create inside of the dorm wall. Waving his wand, the young Potter murmured the spell he'd so meticulously researched.

Feeling his spell take effect, and immediately noticing that it was draining him as the book said it would, James tapped his foot twice as well.

Peter wove his wand before pointing it forward sharply after which he started pulling it back in a way that made it seem as if the tip was attached to the wall by a bungee cord, because Peter was evidently straining against something. The poor boys almost lost his balance just from the extra exertion of tapping his foot twice.

James now started waving his wand in elaborate and carefully construed patterns, figure eights and sixty degree hooks were the most prevalent elements of his wand movements, which made for a very disjointed and chaotic image to watch.

Groaning as he could feel his magic forcing itself into the opening Remus had created, James created the opening in the wall through which Sirius would have to crawl to carve the permanency runes on the inside of the Stash.

An opening appeared in the wall at chest height, and Sirius looked anxious, as it would clearly be an extremely tight fit.

Still, the still completely black Black jumped forward and dove into the opening, one of his most elaborate and strong knives in hand.

Sirius managed to squeeze everything from his shoulders up through the hole, his arms extended in front of him, when he got stuck.

Starting the meticulous carving of the permanency runes, Sirius did his job as fast as he could without screwing up.

Five minutes passed, in those five minutes, Remus slowly started growing pale, Peter began suffering full-body shivers and James was dangerously swaying from left to right. Sirius was losing all feeling in his legs as the opening he was stuck in was slowly growing smaller due to James' rapidly dwindling strength, and the walls were squeezing off the blood flow to Sirius' lower body.

Still, each boy bravely continued his part of the job, and Sirius finally managed to complete the final permanency rune with a hard and deep diagonal slash. Sirius then gave himself a minor cut in his finger, after which he dropped a drop of blood on the rune. So he'd found these runes in the Black library, and they were an introductory step to … not-so-legal rituals, so what? They served the purpose they needed to serve.

"James I'm going to need a bigger opening to get out!" Sirius shouted, hoping his friend would be able to gather enough strength to enlarge the opening once again, just for a few seconds so that Sirius could get out and wouldn't get squeezed to a fine paste.

James did as ordered and enlarged the gap whilst simultaneously groaning loudly, which Sirius correctly took as the signal to start wiggling his way free as fast as he could.

Two seconds later, Sirius was out of the opening and running to the pre-prepared potions that were placed on Remus' bed, over his shoulder he shouted, "Runes completed and safety secured!"

Grabbing the three bottles, he ran back to his friends. He tossed a bottle at both James and Peter, who both managed to catch their bottles before rapidly starting to drain them of their contents.

Sirius scrambled over to Remus, who couldn't move as he was too focused on maintaining his link to the ambient magic.

Gently, Sirius fed Remus his potion whilst Peter came over and executed the Magicos Transferros on Remus.

James started carefully casting the spells that would be required to create a portal similar to the Diagon Alley one.

Sirius finished feeding Remus and he too performed the Magicos Transferros.

James casted for a full eight minutes, during which his three friends slowly grew tired again. Finally, James stepped towards the wall before starting to tap stones.

The first one was slightly below eye-level and to the left, the second one was on the same vertical line, but was place slightly above eye-level, the third one was placed to the right of the first two and halfway between them on the vertical line. A fourth stone was placed on the same height as the second one but equally as far to the right of the third one as the third one was from the second one.

Finally, the fifth one was placed below the fourth one and on the same horizontal line as the first one. If one were to place his wand against the wall and move it from point to point, he would discover he'd just drawn a big 'M' on the wall.

Powerfully jabbing at the middle stone one final time, James sagged before slowly sinking down onto the floor, the other Marauders doing the same seconds later.

For a few minutes, all was silent apart from the heavy breathing of the four second-years.

Then, Sirius spoke up through his panting, "Did it work?"

James slowly stood up before tapping his wand against the five stones in the correct order. Immediately, the stones started twisting away from the center until a small storage room became visible. It was arm-deep, 4 foot wide and 3 foot high. Inside were shelves, an extremely small bookcase, on which there was room for maybe five thick books, and there was a special alcove on the left in which a shrunken cauldron could be hidden.

As the other three Marauders slowly made their way to James, so they too might admire their work, the Potter heir grinned proudly, "Yes, yes it did."

Sirius was shuffling towards James whilst lugging a half-unconscious Remus along. The werewolf's legs were dragging across the floor and the only reason for him not having fallen yet were the two arms he had hanging over Sirius' shoulders.

Peter was moving unaided, which was rather impressive considering his lack of physical fitness, smaller magical reserves and draining tasks during the process. Admitted, he was crawling on all fours and at a snail's pace, but he was still moving on his own force.

Eventually the four boys gathered around their creation proudly, Remus hanging onto Sirius, his head on the currently black boy's shoulder. Sirius was clearly drained as well, but he managed to stand unassisted whilst supporting the weight of the exhausted boy on his back. Peter had slowly gotten himself unto an upright position by pulling himself up against the wall before stumbling back to his friends, where he now stood slumped over and wobbling dangerously, but beaming nevertheless. James stood in the center, still smiling proudly and staring at the Secret Stash in awe.

"We actually did it. We're second years and we did… That. I swear to Circe if McGonagall ever fails one of us for an exam, I'm going to transfigure her into a teakettle and hide her in the Stash for a year." James muttered, getting giggles from Sirius, an incomprehensible slur from Remus and a small smile from Peter.

Eventually, the boys regained some strength, and once Remus was capable of standing unassisted, the Secret Stash was rapidly filled with pranking supplies, books the boys weren't supposed to have, memorabilia from great moments of their Hogwarts career, and some chocolate, because Remus insisted it was always good to have some backup chocolate.

By this point, it was the middle of the night, and all of them just wanted to sleep. Which is why of course, they gathered in a semi-circle once again, facing the piece of wall between the bathroom and the window on James' side this time.

Slowly, ceremoniously even, a piece of parchment was passed from hand to hand, going from Peter to Sirius to James to Remus, and back again. This happened four or five times, until the paper finally stopped in James' hands.

Sirius then stepped back for a second before reappearing with an opened frame. The framework was painted golden, the inside had scarlet red, velvet cushioning, and once closed whatever was placed on the cushions would be protected by unbreakable glass that had been enchanted and warded better then Dumbledore's private box of lemon drops.

Ever so slowly, James placed the piece of parchment inside the frame, slowly smoothing it out against the cushion before allowing Sirius to carefully close the frame.

A sticking charm already placed on the rear side of the frame, Sirius and James stepped forward before carefully hanging the frame against the wall.

Stepping back, the four Marauders admired their work side by side.

_**The Marauder's Rules**_

_**As of this day, we swear to uphold this code. We pledge to it our allegiance, our honour and our lives. To take the mantle of a Marauder is our right, our pleasure, our duty. From this day forth, these rules are our highest good. Crafted by the Marauder Four, to rule over our inferior lives and mold us into a better whole.**_

Henceforth only the names of Prongs, Padfoot, Moony and Wormtail will be used. – The Awesome Rule

A Marauder is _always_ innocent. – The Innocent Rule

Never give up another Marauder. – The Loyalty Rule

Marauders always stay together. – The Brotherhood Rule

Marauders never leave a man behind! – The Carry-Him! Rule

Always address McGonagall as Professor Kitty-Kat. – The She-loves-us-really Rule

Blame Snape, Filch, Slytherin, Evans or Moony. In that order. – The He-Did-It Rule

Sirius and Peter are not allowed to act without consent of either James or Remus. – The Morons' Rule

The Prank-Pot may only be used if a majority agrees or if you will later reimburse the Prank Pot. – The Prank-Pot Rule

Snivellus must be pranked at least once every month. – The Prongs Rule

At least one meal every day must remain unpranked. – The Wormtail Rule

Unisex PMS will hence be known as Moony's furry little problem – The Moony Rule

Snivellus must be shampooed at least once every month – The Padfoot Rule

Secrets must always remain as secret as possible – The Secret Rule

The Marauders must help Prongs with an Evans-related scheme at least once every month – The This-Is-Getting-Pathetic Rule.

All Marauders will do all they can to keep Moony's Unisex PMS a secret! – The Unisex PMS Rule

Moony is never allowed to make up the excuses! – The Pathetic-Liar Rule

The location of the Secret Stash shall never be spoken of outside of the Marauders' dorm! – The Secret-Stash Rule

Each Marauder must gain a trophy from each teachers' office. – The Trophy Rule

The Marauders must spend at least five hours per week in the library – The Research Rule

A Marauder is always innocent except when the prank is openly claimed. – The Deny-Deny Rule

No Marauder shall ever conform to the rules! – The Come-on-Moony,-Live-A-Little Rule.

A Marauder is always innocent. – The REMEMBER WE'RE INNOCENT RULE!

_The Secret Rule: Wormtail may be sacrificed at all times for the good of the Marauders, only Prongs and Padfoot may know of this rule._ (This rule had been placed under a personalized Notice-Me-Not charm, which was how Remus and Peter didn't spot it.)

SIGNED AND WITNESSED,

_James Charlus Potter, JCP, Prongs_

**Sirius Orion Black, SOB, Padfoot**

Remus John Lupin, RJL, Moony

Peter Pettigrew, PP, Wormtail

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**And with that Chapter 7, or The first of September 1972 aka the first day of the second Marauders' school year, has been retold. Nice right? Secret Stash, Barbershop Quartet, Marauder's rules and a bizarre fashion show. A bizarre medley that perfectly capture the odness of the Marauders. Leave me your thoughts in the form of a review of a PM and to those who are guests or have disabled the PM feature, know that I can't reply to you as I don't do that in chapters, only via PM. With that said, I really hope you enjoyed, I really hope you review and I'll talk to you later. **

**Buh-Bye!**


	8. 15-10-1972

**Yeah, I know it's been a long time for this fic, but eh. This is just for fun after all. So... Uhm... Enjoy I guess? Oh and leave a review if you feel like it.**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER**

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_So, this bit is to make sure you understand the chapter._ _Everything in cursive is what happens whilst the boys are telling the story to McG._

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Sirius and James were sat in front of McGonagall's desk, pokerfaces in place. Their beloved Transfiguration professor on the other hand, looked absolutely livid.

"How could you do that to Mr. Snape! The poor boy could have suffered permanent injury! Have you no common sense!? Mr. Parkinson has been traumatized and Mr. Crabbe almost suffocated! Poppy is making him cough up all of the custard he inhaled as we speak!" Minerva bellowed, her accent quite noticeable, which was the best indicator for exactly how deep the boys were in trouble this time.

Sirius remained perfectly calm though, whilst James spoke up in the most formal and polite tone he could muster, "I must repeat my earlier statement, my dear Professor Kitty Kat, that statement being: "Snivellus' injuries, whilst certainly worth of celebration, are not ours to take responsibility for." Meaning, in other words, that we are innocent of that of which you are accusing us, my dear."

"You would have me believe that that Bludger just happened to follow you until you were mere feet away from _Mr. Snape_, five points from Gryffindor for that, before suddenly stopping its pursuit and instead returning to its typical behavior?" McGonagall asked mock seriously, clearly not taking the boys seriously.

"Why yes as a matter in fact we do," Sirius answered this time, "You said it yourself my dear Professor Kitty Kat, 'stopping its pursuit and instead returning to its typical behavior'. Does not this point to the fact that there was something atypical going on with the Bludger in question? Is not it bizarre that Snivelly was present for the Gryffindor Quidditch Try-outs, when he had no business whatsoever at the Quidditch Pitch? Would that Bludger really have hit Jamey in the leg if he himself had somehow tampered with the Bludger?" Sirius questioned, getting a look of dawning comprehension from McGonagall.

"What precisely are you insinuating Mr. Black?" McGonagall asked suspiciously, not trusting the boys in front of her, knowing that they were the most skilled liars in all of Hogwarts.

"Professor," James spoke up again, "Let us tell you a tale that will shed a new light on this curious case."

Sirius opened his mouth to begin the story of the Gryffindor Quidditch Try-outs, and what transpired both before, during, and after.

~~~~Scene Break~~~~

The Marauders were sat at the Gryffindor table, enjoying breakfast. Well, that is to say, Petey and Remy were. Sirius the Awesome was busy ribbing Jamey whilst boosting his confidence at the same time, he was doing an amazing job, and James himself was paler than Nearly-Headless Nick!

"_Sirius!" James interrupted his friend's story, "That's not what happened!"_

"_Yes it is!" Sirius fired back loudly._

"_No it isn't! Now tell the story the way it happened or I'll tell it!" James threatened, getting a suffering sigh from Sirius._

"_Fine, I'll tell the truth. But it is going to be bo-ring!"_

_Sirius cleared his throat before continuing._

So, the Marauders were sat at the Gryffindor table, and Jamey wasn't all that pale, he wasn't even all that nervous, and Sirius the Awesome wasn't boosting his confidence, he was trying to bring it down a bit.

"Do you want me to recruit some firsties to run around with a mattress to catch you when you inevitably fall?" Sirius the Awesome asked as sincerely as he could.

Jamey ignored his best friend, instead focusing on polishing of the last bits of his toast.

"Are you sure you don't want me to put butter on the Quaffle? You're not going to catch it anyways, but this way the others might fail as well!" Sirius tried then, once again failing completely.

Remy then said, "Give it up Sirius the Awesome, James is a deaf and whiny four-eyed brat with-"

"_SIRIUS!" James bellowed_

"_What?" The storyteller asked innocently._

"_Fine, I'll tell the story, seeing as you are clearly incapable of telling what really happened." James spoke calmly, ignoring the shocked expression on Sirius' face. Not giving his friend a chance to protest or interject his own version again, James continued the story._

So Remus said, "You might as well give up Sirius, it's not going to work."

Sirius the Lame then acted like a whiny brat by petulantly kicking Peter in the shin.

Then James, the most talented Chaser Gryffindor has had in decades, left the table to go to the Quidditch Pitch to do a few warming up laps before the actual try-outs began. His friends remained sat at the table to finish their breakfast at their leisure.

"_At this point, I suggest either getting Remus to tell the rest, or giving Sirius another chance, because I wasn't present for this next part, Professor."_

_Before McGonagall could make a decision, Sirius hastily continued the story, knowing that Remus' version would have been boring and not at all awesome._

A minute or so after Jamey had left, a couple of Slytherins came over to provoke us, as they had noticed that we were one man down.

"What's the matter Black? Were you incapable of keeping even the most worthless of purebloods interested in your friendship? You're a disgrace to purebloods everywhere, hanging around with this Gryffindor filth!" Rosier spoke, his face constipated as he clearly had trouble with any sentences that consisted of more than two words.

"Hi Rosy, I think you're confused." Sirius spoke jovially, not at all impressed by the Snake who tried to insult him, "The Potters aren't the most low worth of the pureblood families, that distinction belongs to the Pratchett family. Or no, wait, didn't your father invest in the flying carpet business? You do know those were outlawed in Great Britain last week, right?"

Rosier grew incredibly pale at this, as his fellow Slytherins started muttering amongst each other about the repercussions of what Sirius had just revealed.

"So guess what Rosy, as the youngest child and last in line of the Rosier clan, that makes you the most worthless of all the purebloods in Great Britain!" Sirius continued enthusiastically, causing some of the Gryffindors who'd been listening in to mock and jeer at Rosier, who immediately slunk away in his defeat.

Before any other Slytherin could make a new attempt at provoking us, Snape's nose stared spewing a weird mix of snot and grease, covering two seventh year Slytherins before anyone realized what was going on. In the ensuing chaos, the Marauders escaped to the Quidditch Pitch to watch their friend Jamey try out for the open Chaser spot.

Now, we make a short leap in time, to the last trial of the try-outs. James was up against Ernest McLaggen, and honestly, did his parents had that guy or what? Ernest, pfft. What kind of name is Ernest?

"_Get to the point, Mr. Black." McGonagall spoke curtly, glaring at Sirius in an attempt to intimidate him. She was successful._

So James against McLaggen in a one-on-one scrimmage with two Beaters and a Keeper. James was ahead 80-10 and whoever reached 100 would win, so the game was pretty much played, and then one of James dodged one of the Bludgers and instead of acting like a normal Bludger, it behaved like a boomerang and came rocketing back at an unsuspecting James, who got hit in the leg pretty bad.

The Bludger kept coming at James, even as Jones tried hitting it away from James. So James started actively flying away, and the Bludger kept chasing him.

Everyone kind of started panicking especially after James almost lost his head when the Bludger missed his skull by like an inch or so. Great Sloth Grip Roll by James by the way, seriously Kitty Cat I don't see why you don't make him Captain right away, it's not as if Gerrans is actually any good.

"_Black." McGonagall growled threateningly._

"_Alright, alright, cool your panties Kitty Cat"_

So anyways, Jamey was being chased by a rogue Bludger and as the good friends they are, the other Marauders immediately started analyzing the situation. After a few minutes of controlled panic Remy came to the conclusion that someone had to be manipulating the Bludger and that was when we spotted a group of laughing Slytherins who were clearly ridiculing Jamey as he had to pull some ridiculous maneuver to remain in one piece.

We sent Petey over to serve as scout and he managed to hear that someone called Dobby was doing an excellent job. Of course, it was obvious that Dobby was a house elf, because what human would ever be called Dobby?

So Remy had the brilliant idea to summon one of the Hogwarts elves and task it with finding Dobby and bringing said elf to us.

Mabby did a brilliant job and a few seconds later the house elf Dobby was stood in front of us, even as he kept focusing on the Bludger. As it was Malfoy's private elf, we couldn't simply order it to stop. So we were thinking of what to do when Jamey did a looping in front of us and managed to lose the Bludger for a few seconds.

Then Jamey said, "Can you stop it?"

And Sirius said, "Yes." Because he'd just had a brilliant idea.

To which Jamey gave a creepy grin before speeding away, telling his friends to, "Wait for the moment!"

Jamey then led the Bludger on a wild goose change before rocketing towards the group of Slytherins, who were still ridiculing him. This group just happened to include Snivelly. Coincidentally, we came to the conclusion that we couldn't let James lead it on any longer as the Bludger had been gaining speed. So, Remus transfigured me a large wooden mallet out of one of the seats, and I used it to boink Dobby really hard on the head, knocking him unconscious.

The Bludger returned to normal behavior and when James rolled out of the way it rocketed onwards straight into Snape's face, breaking his nose and knocking out two of his teeth. This was followed by the Slytherins pulling out their wands and looking as if they planned to start a war right there, so we acted preemptively aggressive by telling Mabby that the group of Slytherins had requested to be doused in as much custard as the Hogwarts Kitchen elves could provide.

And… Well… The results exceeded our wildest dreams. It's not our fault that Crabbe is so stupid that he is unable of realizing that he should have held his breath for a few seconds and we had no possible way of knowing that Parkinson is lactose intolerant.

"_So as you can see Professor Kitty Cat, we are the victims here and we did nothing to warrant any punishment." Sirius proudly finished, smiling widely._

"_Now if you'll excuse us," James spoke politely._

"_The Snakes tried to harm one of us," Sirius spoke in a faux-innocent tone._

"_And we've yet to actively retaliate," James pondered slowly._

"_So we really should be going." Sirius finished, before both Gryffindors rapidly fled the office._

_McGonagall let out a tired sigh into her empty office, "Five points to Gryffindor."_

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**And done. Hope you liked it, leave a review please and have a nice day/evening :) Bye!**


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